Starved
by Coletta
Summary: Alucard and Integra are stranded on an island together, and Integra is Alucard's only source of sustenance.
1. The Crash

Starved

--

Alucard and Integra are stranded on an island together.

--

Flakstad was the largest island in the Nusfjord archipelago--a tiny, jagged collection of rocky landmasses off the coast of England, speckled by rustic cabins rented primarily by sportsmen in the summer months. But during the winter, the little islands were mostly deserted. Sometimes, the unoccupied little cottages were the targets of vandals.

This year, they had been the hideout of rouge vampires. But Alucard had already seen to that.

"Good work, servant," Integra praised from her newly commandeered fishing boat. She leaned over the rusty railing, bundled up smartly in her thick, black winter coat and matching black scarf wrapped tightly her neck, almost concealing her mouth. As she spoke, thick white clouds formed in the frigid air. She smiled down at her vampire. "That was efficient, timely and I got a new ship out of it. What do you think? Perhaps Hellsing should acquire its own Navy fleet."

Alucard smirked at the forty foot old fishing boat. He wasn't bothered by the extreme winter cold. He only wore his typical red ensemble. "Something about it doesn't look…intimidating. Probably the whole 'I'm about to sink' look it has about it. you think it will make it back to England?"

"I think so. It's not that long a distance. All the same, I think I'll take the helicopter home."

"Me too. I hate the water."

---

They weren't in the air two minutes before the snow storm hit and the pilot nervously announced there was a problem and he needed to land immediately. Before he finished the sentence, the lights went out in the cabin and the engine died just as suddenly.

There was no time to react. Sir Integra just sat in stunned silence as it quickly struck her they were in a dire emergency, and she reached up for Alucard's arm. Oddly enough, it was Alucard she thought of first. If they crashed over open water, he would be unable to help himself, as vampires couldn't "cross open water," and therefore couldn't swim. She didn't think he could _drown_, but he would sink and become incapacitated and finding him would be extremely difficult, if not impossible.

"You need a life preserver," she told him calmly, looking around in the dark. After having listened to the roaring engine, it felt like she was shouting in its absence.

---

She had no memory of the crash following that.

Her head ached. Her vision was blurry. She was cold. Or, her left side was cold. Her right side was hot. She was laying down. Laying on something soft and comfortable. And she was wrapped in something, but her clothes felt funny. Like they were moving.

Integra could hear crackling sounds and she could smell wood burning.

A fire.

"Alucard?" she groaned, trying to blink. She couldn't see. Too blurry.

"I'm here," he answered. "Don't try to move. You're injured."

"We crashed?"

"We crashed."

She relaxed and did not try to open her eyes. "Where are we?"

"In a cabin on Flakstad. There's no heat, but there's a fireplace and lots of wood in a shed out back." Alucard was quiet for a moment. "Thank you for the life jacket."

The woman sighed, snuggling in her wrapping, trying to get warm. "I made the right choice. If I had kept it for myself, I would have lost consciousness anyways and I would have drowned or frozen to death. And you would be at the bottom of the ocean."

"That was a very rational decision you had to make in those precious few seconds you had."

Integra tried to nose her face under the blanket. She felt a slight blush. Of course it hadn't been a rational, conscious decision. She had simply thought of his safety before her own, even though she knew he had been in less jeopardy than she'd been in. After all, she was his master. It would have been wrong to abandon him. "You didn't refuse to take it," she pointed out.

"I should have."

"I ordered you to take it. Don't feel guilty for following my orders." She peeked back out of the covers. She still couldn't see. "Are you and I alone? Is the pilot dead?"

"If he lived, he didn't swim to the same shore I did."

"I don't think he had time to send any kind of distress message," Integra speculated. "Still, it will only be a few hours before we're reported overdue and Hellsing sends someone to find us."

Alucard shook his head. "There will be some delay. There's a raging blizzard outside. But your injuries aren't life threatening, and its warm here. We could hold up for a few days easily and be perfectly comfortable. Unfortunately, there's no food. Or blood, other than yours."

Integra shifted. "What am I wearing?"

"Nothing."

Her hands flew up to her chest and she felt her bare breasts under the covers. "You…!" But she could not reprimand him. What had she thought, that he had left her in her wet clothes? Of course he'd stripped her and wrapped her in something dry.

"I was a perfect gentleman," Alucard teased.

Her face was red hot. "You stupid _git_. You _better_ have been. And if you even…"

"What do you think I would do exactly, master, other than what was necessary? Snap a picture? I peeled off what was wet and hung it up to dry above the fire. I laid you down on this bed in a position that provided the most modesty and gave you my coat immediately to cover you. I did not help myself to any prolonged gazes at you or touch you in any needless way, as tempting as you may be." She could hear the smile in his voice. "However, what I did glean I will remember fondly. I apologize if that makes you uncomfortable."

"I don't want a mental picture, thank you. Stop talking." She sighed. "Thank you for doing it, nonetheless."

"I would be happy to do it again anytime."

"No. No more talking."

-- To Be Continued


	2. Stranded

She didn't want to admit it, in light of the death of their pilot, especially because she had just lost a very expensive helicopter, and also because Walter would probably have a heart attack as soon as he realized they had crashed…but this was a little fun.

Integra was snuggling on the sofa bed, her head wound carefully dressed in Alucard's home-made bandages (which from centuries of experience, was excellent), warming herself before the roaring fire. She watched the vampire busy himself with domestics, and he waited on her, insisting she shouldn't move around.

There was no running water, but there were bowls in the pantry and lots of snow outside, and he scooped some up and melted it over the fire until the water was steaming.

Integra lifted herself up, keeping Alucard's red coat wrapped tightly around her body. She was a little uncomfortable in it. She kept thinking to herself, _Isn't this part of his body? He can regenerate his clothing and manifest different outfits…I always assumed his clothing was part of him._ And yet the cloth didn't feel any different from normal clothing. She eyed her vampire suspiciously. It was entirely possible he was continuously feeling her up just because she was wearing his clothing.

While he wasn't looking, she lifted his lapel and sniffed it. She smiled and let it go. It smelled like him. She didn't realize until now that he _had_ a smell. But it was him. He had that "been in the back of a closet for twenty years" smell.

Out of curiosity, she pinched the fabric between her thumb and index finger nails and quickly looked up to see if the vampire flinched.

He was quietly crouching in front of the fire place, holding the bowl of melted snow, one glove hanging from between his teeth while he tested the temperature of the water with his bare hand. He didn't react to Integra's pinch. "I think it's warm enough now," he said.

Integra sighed in relief. If there _was_ a supernatural connection between Alucard and his clothing, it was severed now. Perhaps the link only existed while he was wearing the clothes. Either that or he was doing a convincing job pretending he couldn't feel her.

She was often preoccupied with many concerns at once and rarely had long stretches of time to think. Now that she had been sitting for several hours with only Alucard as company, she realized she didn't know a great deal about her servant at all. She never had a firm understanding of the scope of his powers. Many aspects of him remained just as much a mystery now as they had been when she was a child. She knew he could read thoughts, but was he reading her thoughts now? Was it a conscious labor that took effort, or could he hear people's thoughts all the time, like a transmitter radio, always receiving static?

_Alucard,_ she thought purposely, _can you hear me?_

"You're funny," he answered.

Integra scowled. "Damn it. How long have you been…?"

"Its rude, I know. But there's nothing else to _do_ but listen." He looked over his shoulder at her. "If you suspected that I wearing my clothing meant I could feel every inch of your body, why would you continue to wear it?"

"I have few alternatives."

"I'm glad you think I worth settling for." Alucard stood up and approached his master and sat down next to her. He had the bowl of warm water and a dishrag from the kitchenette. "Let's clean you up."

Integra reached for the bowl. "Thank you."

"Allow me, master."

She blinked. "You want to _wash_ me?"

"I do."

"That's absurd." She sat still for a moment, considering. "I'll allow it if you answer me something honestly: Do you read my thoughts _all_ the time?"

"No, master, of course not."

"But you do invade my mind from time to time and help yourself to my uncensored thoughts?"

"Yes, master."

She gave him a suspicious look. "Have you ever heard me think something that made you regret reading my mind?"

"Yes, master."

"What was it?"

He paused, and his smile…lessened. "You sent me out to defeat your enemies. I was flush and eager to do battle for you. I promised you I would destroy our opponents and paint the country side with their blood, after I tortured them to death for crossing you. I turned to leave and you thought; 'God, please don't let him come back.'"

Integra was stunned.

"You were seventeen," he said. "May I wash you now?"

Integra just stared at him.

"I got over it," Alucard explained simply, without a hint of hostility or bitterness.

"Proceed," Integra replied, feeling flush with guilt.

Alucard reached up and held her chin gently in his hand and ran the warm, damp wash cloth over her cheeks. His eyes were bright and focused on the task at hand, softly cleaning the dried blood caking her nose, mouth and forehead, tenderly avoiding her sensitive injury.

Integra sat silently, her brow furrowed.

Alucard said, "When it came down to it, you gave me the only life jacket in the helicopter and you didn't think of yourself. You're a good master." He went over the same spots again and again, dutifully leaving no dirt or blood behind.

She looked back at him and said softly, "Thank you, Alucard."

He patted a dab of dried, caked blood from her chin. "I'm not saying it to be nice. You've always treated me well. Better than I've treated you." He looked into her eyes as he wiped.

Integra suddenly became aware of just now vulnerable she was, wearing only his coat and sitting on a bed with her hungry vampire in close proximity, his hands caressing her face while he looked deeply into her eyes and whispered sweet compliments while gauging her honest reactions by reading her thoughts.

Integra cleared her throat. Whatever he could glean at this moment, however much her private thoughts revealed, there was no sense in denying it. "You're a good servant," she said.

Alucard smiled. "Thank you, master."

--

"May I ask you a stupid and possibly insulting question?"

"If you must."

"Are you using your supernatural powers to intensify the blizzard?"

Alucard smiled. "Now, why would I do that?"

"I don't know. Frankly I'm surprised no one has come yet."

"It hasn't been 12 hours yet," Alucard dismissed. "Walter is still tucked in bed, unaware of any mishap. Tomorrow morning, they'll plow the runways and start flying overhead and I'll flag them down. Is that so devious?"

"Maybe if I wasn't feeling so exposed, I might be more comfortable."

Alucard looked back at Integra's clothing hanging on the mantel. "Still dripping. I'm sorry master. An open fire just isn't as efficient as a dryer."

"I guess that can't be helped," Integra sighed, looking out the window. The snow continued to fall heavily. It was so dark, she couldn't tell if it were night or day.

--

Integra dozed for a while--a deep, comfortable, dreamless sleep.

When she woke up, the world was just as dark as it had been outside the window when she'd first closed her eyes. She couldn't tell if she had slept a few hours or a few minutes. But she was alone. Alucard was nowhere in the single room cabin. She looked around. "Alucard?" she called.

Nothing.

The room was bitter cold. She looked at the fireplace and saw the flames were dying. She sat up and tried to stand on wobbly legs and hobbled over to the fireplace and tossed in another chunk of wood and waited to see it catch. After a few minutes, it began to crackle again, and the flames starting growing.

Integra sat back down on the sofa bed and waited for her servant to return. She hoped he wouldn't wander far.

Just then, the door opened and a gust of freezing cold air slammed into Integra. She gasped, feeling the coat she was wrapped in lift off her frame. She grabbed it and hugged it to her body. "Oh god, that's freezing!" she cried.

Alucard slammed the door shut. He was covered in snow. He shook his head and heavy clustered flakes of snow dropped off his form. "I don't see any aircraft anywhere. I don't think a pilot could navigate in this." He went to the fire and stood before it, shaking himself, trying to rid himself of the bothersome snow.

"How long were you out there?" Integra inquired, stunned by the amount of snow that had accumulated on her servant.

"Ten…fifteen minutes? The snow is up to my knees and it's still coming down as hard now as it was last night." His hair was wet, matted to his scalp, hanging in his eyes. A little pool of water began collecting at his feet.

--

They had traded.

Integra was back in her now dry clothes, but now Alucard was naked, saved for his jacket, and his own clothes were hanging over the fire. He looked almost normal except for his white legs and feet sticking out of his coat. He lounged comfortably next to Integra.

"Really?" Integra pried, "You couldn't just make them dry with your powers?"

"When I have freshly fed, I can do many things." Alucard's face was serious. "I could still do it. But I'm saving my strength. I have a feeling we may end up having to find our own way off this island. If the snow doesn't stop in another day, I'm going to check the boat and see if its sea-worthy, and I'll use my _other_ sight to navigate back to the mainland." He looked at her. "We can't stay here more than a few days."

"Why?" Integra asked. "You said it yourself, we could hold up here very comfortably…"

"I'm getting thirsty."

--

To be continued…


	3. Provider

Sir Integra's first instinct was to provide.

She dug through the kitchenette drawers for the sharpest knife she could find. She had her choice between butter knives and steak knives, both looking pretty dull. "It's a sportsmen's cabin," she growled. "Nothing here for cleaning fish and game?" She set all the streak knives in a row and examined each one carefully for the finest blade.

Alucard watched her from the sofa. "You don't have to resort to that."

"If I do it now, you won't become ravenous," she reasoned. "If I wait, you'll need _more_ to achieve the same level of satisfaction." She was trying to choose between two knifes. She grimaced at the idea of trying to pierce her skin with either. "If we get rescued tomorrow, great. You enjoyed a rare treat. If we're stuck here for a week, we'll both be thankful I gave a little at a time." Sighing, she picked one knife. "This one will have to do."

Alucard shrugged. "Or I could just bite you."

"I'd rather not have the oxytocin surge that the bite induces."

Alucard grinned. "Why not? You could relax in my arms and feel perfectly at ease. It will be like a massage. You don't have anything to be afraid of."

"I'm actually quite afraid of it. I'm more afraid of it than the bloodletting or the pain of the bite." She walked from the kitchenette and sat down next to him on the sofa and examined the knife. It was the sharpest one there was, but it was still dull. "That deceitful feeling of euphoria that overcomes human victims as they're slowly exanguinated, taking away their will to resist."

"But it also dulls the pain of the injury," Alucard reasoned.

"It's a sedative, that's all," Integra scoffed. "Forgive me Alucard, but when I peacefully surrender to that feeling, it will no doubt be Hellsing's final hour." She eyed him. "I also understand it's addictive."

"The near orgasmic bliss of a vampire's deep bite? Yes, it is. The pleasure is overwhelming, and it only gets stronger the longer we suck. But your bite would be very shallow and the surge would feel would be almost unnoticeable. At most, it would put you in a good mood." Alucard plucked up the dull knife from her hand and gave it a doubtful look. "Are you sure you don't want to know what it's like?"

Her hand unconsciously touched old scars on her throat. "I know what its like."

Alucard set the knife down. "You don't trust me to not take advantage of you?"

"Of course I trust you. I just hate that feeling. It unnerves me." She took back the knife and pressed the blade into her palm. She pressed hard.

Alucard waited.

She tried to saw it back and forth. Integra gritted her teeth as the metal ripped her upper epidermis, but it couldn't break the skin. After a few minutes, she gave up with a sigh.

Integra lifted her hand sheepishly and offered it to her vampire.

He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips. "Thank you, master."

"Please be gentle."

"I always am." He pressed his lips against her palm and opened his mouth, licking her scratched skin. He dragged his tongue down to the sensitive and fleshy pad of her palm and grazed his teeth against it, zeroing in on the spot that would provide the most cushion, then bit, quickly but firmly, and instantly released her hand.

Integra flinched.

He removed her hand from his mouth to examine his handiwork. Two little puncture wounds side by side, with thick red streams bleeding out. Exactly the kind of wounds he wanted to make. He rotated her wrist to briefly examine the back of her hand to make sure his jaw hadn't punctured the other side, and was pleased to see he was accurate in his pressure. Not even teeth marks. He brought her hand back up to his mouth and began to suck gently.

Integra watched Alucard's face relax and his eyes close. She could hear him start to make little throaty sounds, the sounds he always made when he feeding and was happy.

_Like a babe suckling my milk_, Integra thought.

Alucard's eyes quickly fluttered open and focused on her, then he relaxed again in warm, dark contented slits and closed his eyes. He moaned softly. Just once.

"God," Integra groaned, embarrassed. "You heard me _think_ that, didn't you?"

He paused in his sucking, releasing her hand. His lips were coated in her red blood, his eyes still closed. "It doesn't bother me," he sighed. "I've fantasized about being your son before." With that, he returned to her wound, sucking blissfully.

Integra blinked.

As her hand started to become numb, Alucard released her form his mouth and began to make slow, long licks over the open wounds, closing them. Even after they were long healed, he continued to lap and lick, as if the rare treat had was savoring had little to do with the blood he had consumed.

--

Hours later, they were both sleeping.

Or, Alucard was sleeping and Integra pretended to sleep.

The world was so dark outside the window, Integra still couldn't tell if it was day or night. And now the heat from the fire had caused the windows to fill up with condensation. She had no idea if it was still snowing outside or not.

They hadn't discussed their potential sleeping arrangements. They had both been sitting on the sofa, and that's where Alucard was when he fell asleep.

Integra laid on her own side of the sofa, curled up, watching intently as her vampire slumber.

--

When Integra woke up, Alucard was gone again.

She looked up and saw that he had taken back his clothing from over the fireplace. Also, there was fresh lumber burning. He hadn't been gone long.

She padded around the great room on bare feet, wondering where her boots had disappeared to. She might have lost them in the ocean, she realized, heavy leather things they had been. She could easily imagine them filling up with water and slipping off. If it came down to it, it would make hiking down to the boat in the snow difficult. She considered asking Alucard to carry her.

_I've fantasized about being your son before._

She sat back down.

She had thought about it, too. Not _fantasized_, she wouldn't have called it _that_.

But when she was in mixed company and strangers asked her to introduce them to her handsome companion, she had often claimed Alucard was her cousin or brother. It was a quick explanation that negated any sexual overtones. It also delighted Alucard because then he could pretend he was a Hellsing, too. It always made him smile, and he'd become unusually affectionate, as if to thank her for acknowledging him as an equal, rather than telling strangers he was a servant, body guard or chauffer.

At some point, Alucard had made some off color joke about her introducing him as her husband someday, and she'd dismissed it: "In a few more years," she scoffed, "I'll have to start introducing you as my _son_."

He had looked at her with a kind of eerie, merry look. "Why wait?" he has replied. "I could change my appearance and make myself look young enough to be your child. I could swing by your wrist."

"Settle down, vampire."

He'd smiled darkly and teased, "I could call you 'mommy.'"

"That's _creepy_, you dirty old man." But she had chuckled too.

And then the following day, she'd noticed something unusual about her servant. "Alucard? Did you make yourself more youthful looking?"

He had smiled. "I shaved off ten years. Do you like it?" His deep smile lines had vanished, and his white skin looked smoother and softer, his shoulders slightly more narrow.

"Too young," she had replied honestly. "It doesn't fit you."

"Give it a few days," he urged. "It might grow on you."

But he had to go on a mission that evening, and he returned looking like his normal self. The larger, older and more intimidating look worked to his benefit out in the field, and didn't experiment with his appearance again.

But now Integra couldn't stop thinking about it. She couldn't stop remembering his youthful face, the way his bright red eyes searched her for any indication of acceptance.

--

The vampire returned with bounty of fresh game.

"Lady Hellsing, your blood has fully rejuvenated me and I'm returning the favor. I will _provide _for you." He was very proud, his smile full of razor-sharp teeth. "Like the primeval Neanderthal providing for his mate. Let me prove my virility, the way humans do."

Integra smirked. He could murder scores of vampires in her name, but he was more thrilled to hunt for her meal, even if his quarry was no more threatening than a grouse. "Bravo," she praised.

Alucard skinned and cleaned the flesh effortlessly. Integra watched him with fascination. It had been centuries since he'd had to perform such a menial task for himself, and yet he carved up the meat with confidence, making uniform strips ideal for cooking over the fire. "I don't have anything to season it with, so it might not taste great."

Integra smiled and watched him skewer the strips on a spit and dangle them in the flames of the fireplace. "I'm sure it will be fine," she assured him.

Alucard said, "There's still no aircraft over head, but its stopped snowing. I went down to the boat and its still floating. I think we won't have any problem navigating it to the other shore."

"That's good," Integra said. "As much fun as this little camping trip has been, I miss my own bed. And plumbing."

"I miss my coffin."

"I miss tea and cigars."

"The coffin, really. That's it."

--

To be continued…


	4. Identity

The hours lingered on. The snow fell again. The island was blanketed in darkness as the night fell.

Chill settled over the cabin and Integra huddled on the floor before the fire, holding her hands over the flames. In the flickering light, she could see the deep plum bruise that had grown around Alucard's bite.

She absently rubbed her fingers over the tiny twin holes, frowning, feeling violated. The act of his feeding hadn't caused her any discomfort or shame. But seeing the vampire puncture wounds in her Hellsing flesh now gave her the feeling Alucard had another notch in his belt. She was less now. She had allowed him to suckle from her veins in the past, for various reasons under various circumstances, but she always made the incision herself and fed him what blood dripped out. Seeing those teeth marks made her feel—inferior, used, dirty.

But she had never hesitated to feed him when it was necessary.

He would never dare ask, even though his eyes may beg, even though his lips may quiver. She could feel his longing, as if her blood were mercury and his body a magnet. As when an infant cries out in hunger, a mother's body responds, Integra felt herself flush, felt her brow prickle in sweat, her skin crawl when her vampire longed for her, needed _her_. To let Alucard, her charge and servant, the final gift from her father, wither and grow weak or die was unthinkable. Under her care, he would thrive and grow ever more powerful.

Integra commanded the Hellsing Organization as the brain commands the body, but Alucard was the nervous system and she needed him strong. She entertained no illusions Hellsing could survive without him, as much as the admission caused her shame.

"Does it hurt?" Alucard asked.

Integra realized she hadn't stopped rubbing the puncture marks, and she was rubbing the sensitive area raw. "No." She let her hands drop.

"You keep touching them," Alucard pointed out.

"They're sensitive, that's all."

The vampire joined her on the floor. "In another life, those marks would have meant I had claimed you for myself. It would have meant that you were my territory, my trophy. I would have been very proud to see those bite marks marring your skin. I am proud, in a way. You gave me a kingly gift."

Integra looked down at her own bruised palm. "Peeking at my thoughts?"

"A little."

"Can you show your master some courtesy?"

"You need not censor yourself from me," Alucard said.

Integra cradled her head in her hand, feeling a head-ache creeping in. "Not every thought is meant to be shared. We humans have undue, irrational prejudices, suspicions, jealousies. We can't conduct ourselves civilly if we're completely honest all the time. I'd guess at least fifty percent of everything we think is bullshit. We don't choose what we think, only what we say and do. Allowing you to hear my own thoughts as I think challenges my ability to present myself to you in a manner of my own choosing. It's a violation of my identity. "

Alucard cocked his head at her. "You are Integra Hellsing. Not someone who is playing the part of Integra Hellsing. Projecting an identity will only make you unhappy—and when you fail to live up to your idealized perception of yourself…"

"Listen to you," Integra said, smiling slightly. "Listen to the vampire who can change his appearance and assume any identity at any time."

He snorted back indignantly. "To deceive strangers and the enemy. Never to deceive you. Or myself."

Integra looked lovingly at her vampire. "And is this really you, Alucard? A dashing 30-something with that devilish smile, your hair always falling in those foolish eyes? You are a husk of a corpse under that façade, dead some five hundred years. I believe every inch of you is an illusion. A pleasant one, but an illusion nonetheless."

Alucard cocked his head. "Yes master. What you say is true."

Integra waited for him to taunt or tease her back, but he continued to stare down. His lips were tightly pressed together, his smile gone.

Integra reached up and touched Alucard's chin, forcing him to look at her again.

Alucard looked back at her, a little startled that she was touching him.

"I don't care what you look like under there," Integra purred. "Choose whatever form you like. I know you're more than a corpse or a pretty face."

Integra started to withdraw her hand, but Alucard reached up and put his over her's. His eyes closed and leaned into her touch, his face relaxing in some kind of relief. "My master," he sighed.

Integra allowed him to stay like that. She allowed Alucard to nuzzle her palm. As he did, his nuzzles became tiny kisses, then deeper kisses, then his tongue began to dart out and give small, little licks over her bruise and puncture wounds, as if trying to love them better. Alucard's body hummed, a throaty, blissful rumble starting to emanate from his voice.

Integra shivered, watching Alucard worship her palm, watching how all his energy and love and adoration funneled to this one spot on her body she had offered to him.

His contented lapping paused. She felt his lips curl into a smile. "Is there some other place, master, that I can focus my adoration?"

Integra wrenched her hand back quickly from the vampire's grasp with a grimace. "You didn't let me finish, vampire. Under that pretty face is a failed leader, a failed husband and a failed father. You're a failure for a vampire, too, my ancestors saw to that. You're not much of a servant, either." She stood up abruptly.

Alucard still had his hand raised towards his own face, a void where her hand had been. He looked stunned.

Integra glared down at him. "The only thing you've ever been good at is being a pig. When I want a pig to adore my body, you'll be the first to know."

--

"I didn't love my first son," Alucard said at four in the morning.

Integra's eyes fluttered open. "What?" she groaned, rubbing her eyes. "What are you talking about?"

Alucard was laying with his back to his master. "I wanted to be an amazing father. Mostly because my own father was a pathetic prick and I believed I could do better. I had visions in my head of having dozens children trying to climb in my lap all at once. I wanted to love them and I wanted them to love me." Alucard shifted in the dark. "I came home from a prolonged campaign and my wife had a little baby boy bouncing on her thigh. I was shocked to see him. I didn't realize until then how many months I had been away. I hadn't even realized she had been pregnant." Alucard shivered. "He cried when I held him. I was a stranger to him, a frightening one at that. I tried hard to win his trust, tried to imprint myself on him. But war with the Turks was an ever present reality, and I left for battle after battle, and he grew up without me. And then one day I came home, and his mother had committed suicide." He was quiet a moment. "I wanted to love him more than ever. At that moment, he was the only thing I loved. But he rejected me. So I rejected him. And that was the end of it." Alucard rolled over. "He ruled for less than two years after gaining a reputation as a brutal murder. Then he was killed by an assassin."

There was quiet.

"I had other sons," Alucard mused. "One died of pneumonia as a teenager. One died a little baby—just stopped breathing. It was a common phenomena, but I held onto that tiny body and cried into it for hours. I never had another child. I died myself, soon after that." He paused. "I was a failure on many levels. But none worse than being a failure for a father. For a husband, too. I could care less about being a failure for a vampire. In fact, I hope I am." He rolled over and faced his master. "One day, I'm going to be the husband and father I've always wanted to be."

Integra didn't know what to say.

Alucard said, "I'm going to be like _you_, master."

Integra chuckled, relived at the opportunity to break the tension. "I don't know anything about being a husband or a father."

"That may be true. But you gave me your life jacket and I didn't deserve it. You should have let me die."

She laughed nervously again: "That's ridiculous…"

"You should have let me die," Alucard said firmly. "You should have let me die."

"That's ridiculous," Integra said quietly into the darkness. "That's…unthinkable. You're…"

Silence.

Alucard said, "I'm what?"

"You're mine." It was all she could think of to say. What_ was_ Alucard to her, anyway?

She imagined him suckling her breast milk and shivered. She remembered introducing Alucard as her brother to Prince William and watching the vampire's face light up in delight and pride, felt him lace his fingers with hers and hold her so tightly she thought her hand would break.

Alucard buried his face into the blankets. "I was vulgar, master. It was wrong."

Integra rolled over and placed her hand on her servant's back. "Please just learn to watch your mouth, Alucard." Integra turned back on her side and closed her eyes, anxious to sleep. But she couldn't. She couldn't stop thinking of Alucard's son. His loneliness, suffering, and death, grieved her.

--

Hours later, as dawn crept over the horizon, Integra lay awake still.

Alucard was sleeping soundly, at last.

She twirled a lock of Alucard's black hair between her fingers. She let him sleep.

--

To be continued…


	5. Childless

The roar of the engine died. The lights went out.

In a moment, she knew she would be dead. She had precious few seconds.

Integra reached for Alucard's arm. "You need a life preserver." She couldn't feel him. Her hand was numb.

Alucard looked up at her, stunned, a little blank. "I didn't sense anything _wrong_…"

He didn't finish. Suddenly, Integra felt her stomach clench and her feet rise off the floor.

Zero gravity.

There was a deafening crash and suddenly they were upside down. Integra landed on her back with a painful "crunch". Everything that had been laying on the floor crashed around them. She tried to shield her face in time, but a tool box landed next to her head, barely missing her face, but the tool box broke open instantly and its contents went flying. A hammer hit her squarely in the forehead, and she felt blood erupt.

Instantly, the cabin began to fill with water. The icy cold water bit her skin and she scrambled up out of the water. As the helicopter filled, it began to rotate, sinking very slowly as it did. And it was dark. She couldn't see the door. Or the sky through any window.

What she could see was the fluorescent glow of the organ nylon life jacket floating in the black water. Integra snatched it. "Alucard!"

She could not see, but he could, and he was beside her in an instant. "I'm here."

"Come on Alucard, put this on," she said, quickly shoving the vest over his head.

Her brain began to rattle off her final will as she fitted the nylon straps under Alucard's arms. Did she leave him money? Yes, she had done that…but how much? She couldn't remember suddenly. A hundred thousand? Five hundred thousand? Enough to escape back to his homeland and go into hiding, if he needed to. Enough to take care of Seras.

Alucard looked around, somewhat bewildered. Integra could faintly see the red eyes of his demon familiars open, looking around, as startled as Alucard, as if he were using his powers to try and sense some otherworldly sign. "I can't tell why the engine died. The blades aren't iced over, there's no mechanical failure…"

The pressure was building as the water rushed in but air had no-where to go. As the helicopter rotated and the door rose out of the water, the air would escape and they'd suddenly sink. They'd only have a few seconds to climb out before they were sucked down.

Alucard tugged on Integra's arm. "Master, we have to go."

Integra grimaced as she realized she hadn't explicitly given Alucard his freedom in her will. Her intentional avoidance of romantic relationships, suspicion of men and fear of sexual intimacy almost certainly guaranteed she would die childless. But determining who would act as his custodian in her absence was an overwhelming decision. Certainly, she had distant cousins, but no one she knew personally, no one she could bequeath her servant to. The other members of the Round Table were petty and selfish--they would surely exploit Alucard for their own gain. And the government…Integra shivered, feeling a chill, dreading what fate Alucard would be subjected to if left in their care.

But what most sickened her was the idea that Alucard would simply be abandoned, left to his own devices, directionless, hungry, quickly returning to the No-Life King he had once been.

What an irresponsible master she was to have not made a decision. And look where she was now.

"Master, we have to _go_," Alucard insisted again.

"Wait!" Integra snaked the straps under Alucard's arms and fastened them across his chest.

Alucard blinked at her. "Master, where's _your_ life jacket?" he asked.

She had memorized the directions on the emergency door, as well as the diagram rosily displaying how to put on a parachute. It was a habit. She always knew her exits. She knew damn well there was only one life jacket. She knew it when she first got on the helicopter. She knew it when she reached for it, when she secured it on her servant, strapped him in. She had made her choice ten seconds ago.

Diffused sunlight crept over the windows, casting shadows on the floor.

They had been trapped on Flakstad now for four days…five days? Alucard was stunned to realize he had lost count. And today was supposed to be the day they finally hiked down the rocky shore together to navigate the fishing boat back to an English port. The unpredictable weather had finally given them a reprieve from the constant snow. But the sky could change at any moment. They had a very narrow window of time to prepare.

The vampire watched Integra kneeling on the floor and stripping cabin drapes into long strips to wrap around her feet. She had lost her boots in the ocean and needed some protection for her bare feet is she wanted to go outside.

Alucard looked upon her in silence.

He had not yet spoken to her since four am. He deeply regretted what he had said to her--knew he was making a mistake even as he opened his mouth, as he detailed the downfall of his sons and his wife. No one was left alive who knew of his shameful failures. As long as he kept them to himself, it was as if they had never happened. Those people were little more than ghosts. They weren't relevant to his existence anymore. Now someone else was alive who knew--after burying it for five hundred years and vowing to keep it in the past, someone else knew. And now that knowledge walked. That knowledge could be spread, shared to others. Now, it might as well have happened yesterday.

That little baby boy, bouncing on his mother's thigh. Little smile, gleaming blue eyes…

…laying in a pool of his own blood, denounced as a soulless murderer. The offspring of Vlad the Impaler, without a doubt, a wretch beyond saving.

Another young son, dying in his bed, crying for water yet no amount could relive his suffering as his brain cooked in fever.

A tiny white baby wrapped in linen, stiff and cold, buried in the earth surrounded by lilies.

Sometimes Alucard woke up in a cold sweat, hands shaking and blindly seeking a blanket to cover his tiny son. How _cold_ he must be in the ground, high in the windy Carpathian mountains. Then he would remember he was in London and he was also dead and in a coffin, and he didn't feel cold at all despite not having a blanket.

Integra ripped the fabric, wrapped her left foot.

Alucard buried his face in his hands.

He didn't love his family enough to want to remember them.

He had wished that they didn't exist when he was on the battlefield five hundred years ago, didn't want to be preoccupied with their safety, and he had gotten his wish. Now he could murder forever, whoever he wanted whenever he wanted, without consequences. What a loyal and constant companion death had been to him, showing him more fidelity and permanence than any lover or spouse ever had.

Between his fingers, he peered at his master.

Alucard imagined, briefly, what it might be like to kiss Integra's earlobe. Or to dutifully pin her hair up as she bathed. Or to wear a silver wedding band under his glove. To haggle over potential names as her womb swelled. _Copernicus._

He looked shamefully down between his legs. Vampires were sterile. He shut his knees self-consciously. He doubted very seriously he could pleasure her, anyways. Besides, he thought while smirking to himself, she would laugh at the very notion.

Integra was finished with her work. She flexed her feet and wiggled her toes. "That's the best I can manage. Do you think it will be enough…?"

"No," Alucard dismissed. He let his hands fall in his lap.

Integra turned and looked over at him. "You don't look good."

"I'm moody. Ignore it," he scoffed, "I need my coffin."

Integra looked down at her palm. "Will blood hold you over?"

Alucard turned away, feeling his stomach muscles clench at the very thought the blood, feeling his demon familiars stir. "I don't have an appetite," he lied. "But thank you for the thought."

"Remember what I said," Integra cautioned, "about feeding a little at a time. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea, I mean, before we leave."

Alucard ducked his head and chuckled quietly.

"What's so funny?" Integra demanded.

"I…," he started, "I was just thinking something funny."

"What?"

"I don't remember when I became a vampire."

Integra blinked, looking dumbfounded.

He shrugged casually. "I don't remember when it happened. "

She raised her eye brow suspiciously at him. "It's not like visiting the dentist's office. How could you forget?"

"I really don't remember." Alucard looked thoughtful, whimsical. "I was the first. I had no predecessor. Just one day…I _was_." He paused, considering. "When I found myself defeated and imprisoned, my executioner came to behead me, and I had no _opinion_ about it." He leaned back. "The blade sliced through my neck, severing my head, and I felt it roll away from my body, and I thought to myself, 'Well, that's the end of that. Nice and neat, like a Greek tragedy,' and then I chose to lay quietly for a while and wait for darkness and peace. I was very aggravated when it didn't come. So I stood up, retrieved my head and put it back on and went about my business." His red eyes gleamed. "That's just how it's been." He cocked his head. "I might have been a vampire a long time before that day, and just didn't know." He thought a moment. "Maybe since I was a child."

Integra's brows furrowed. "Why? What happened when you were a child?"

His smirked vanished. "Nothing happened."

Integra missed his defensive hostility. "When did you…_notice_ you liked drinking blood?"

"Before that." His eyes narrowed, a smile creeping back across his face. "I could suck blood from a dripping heart clenched in my first, ripped fresh from a traitor's ribcage. I made sure everyone could see how much I enjoyed it."

Integra nodded slowly. "And when…did you realize you…liked to do _that_ more than eat solid food?"

Alucard remembered being a child, remembered retching and vomiting on a dungeon floor as he looked hatefully at a porcelain dish filled with fresh cheese, succulent grapes and soft bread. It had been left for him by his captors to thank him for his enjoyable _submission_. He remembered vowing, no matter how hungry he became, even if he starved to death, he wouldn't touch any of their filthy food. He'd rather eat the rotted, dead rats on the floor.

"_Befor_e that," Alucard said, tense. "Long before."

Integra stood. "Well, you are unique, being the first. I can't expect your experience to be at all similar to that of other vampires."

"'Unique'," Alucard repeated, liking the word.

Integra sat next to Alucard and rolled up her sleeve. "Feed before we leave."

"I'm not hungry." He leaned away from her, from her tempting body and its flavorful treasures.

"Honesty and humility are virtues I admire in men." She shifted closer to him, her hip touching his. "Lying to a woman is a symptom of misogyny. I would like for you to get out of the habit of doing it--even when you think it's a white lie, even when you think it's inconsequential."

"And self-discipline?" Alucard asked, staring at the pretty blue veins in the hallow of her arm. "Self-restraint? Are those not virtues?"

"I hold them in lesser esteem."

"Treacherous snake-woman. Vile temptress. You lead me to sin."

"Peace be with you."

"And also with you." He looked at the floor. "I'm not lying, master. I'm not hungry."

Integra paused, her hand holding her sleeve. "Are you sure?"

Alucard considered for a moment.

His wife lay on the rocky banks of the Arges River, her decomposed body washed to shore after the recession of spring floods. Her neck was broken, spinal column thrust out her back. Her eye sockets were empty, hollow voids. Her jaw was missing.

Burning in Hell forever. Burning in Hell for killing herself. Burning in Hell for abandoning him with an infant he didn't know how to care for.

It had been such a cold winter. He had bundled the baby in wool and brought it into his bed chamber, despite the wet nurse's protests. He vowed to protect it himself and never abandon his family again, even if that meant deserting the battle field, even if that meant surrendering to the Turks and converting to Islam. He had just this one last child to make it right.

The baby suffocated in the night under his heavy, wool blankets.

Alucard sat up stiffly. "I promise I'm not hungry," he said smiling. "Really. All I want to do is go home."

Integra looked at Alucard for a long time, then rolled her sleeve back down. "All right. Let's go home."

To be continued…


	6. Punishment

Alucard progressed slowly through the snow banks. His speed had little to do with the effort of trudging in the thick snow as much as the comfort of his master, who the vampire carried delicately in his arms.

Integra shifted uncomfortably, her arms wrapped uselessly around the vampire's neck. She didn't hold Alucard to balance herself-he was perfectly capable of holding her indefinitely, but sitting passively with her hands folded in her lap as he did all the work made her feel…excessively spoiled, like Cleopatra riding on the back of a slave through a conquered city.

"I _like_ to spoil you," Alucard answered her thoughts. "Indulge me."

She just shrugged at the mental intrusion. Feeling a little tired, and knowing he wouldn't mind, she rested her head against his shoulder.

In response, Integra felt Alucard purr. "I wish you could read my mind the way I can read yours," Alucard said in a soft, throaty rumble.

"Why?" Integra asked. "Anything good going on in there?"

"Some concepts are too complicated for words." He paused, stepping around a gnarly tree stump. "No, nothing good."

"I can't give you any advice then," Integra said. "Other than cayenne pepper, sprinkled on anything, cures a cold."

"I'll keep that in mind. Thank you."

The trees started growing sparse as they neared the edge of the forest. The hill became somewhat steeper and Alucard slowed his pace and walked side-ways down the treacherous slope.

"You haven't decided what to do with me," Alucard said.

"Hmm?"

"You were preoccupied with it on the helicopter, and you were dreaming about it last night." Alucard planted his feet carefully in the snow. "When you die."

"Ah," Integra confirmed ambiguously, feeling her stomach sink.

Alucard slowly made his way to level ground. "I know whatever you decide will be the right thing."

Integra rose an eyebrow. "That's it? That's all you want to say?"

"What else is there _to_ say?"

"I don't know. It's _your _future."

"It's _your _decision," Alucard countered.

"Don't you care what happens to you?" Integra asked.

"Of course I do," Alucard replied. "That's why I know better than to question your intuition. You make better decisions than I do."

The smell of salt water, dulled by the frigid temperatures, filled Integra's nostrils. She breathed in deep lung-fulls of ocean air. "I'm scared for you, Alucard. I'm scared of what's going to happen to you. I can't protect you from the petty self-interests of the royal family and the Round Table when I'm gone. Whatever their whims…"

"And you don't want to let me go, either."

"I'm sorry, Alucard. The thought of you anywhere but in the Hellsing Organization is just _unconscionable_."

Alucard's gazed was fixed forward on some distant point on the horizon. "I've given you every reason not to trust me. I can't take it back now." There was no regret in his voice. It simply was. "At the same time, you've given me every reason to trust you implicitly. I know whatever you decide will be the right thing."

Integra squeezed Alucard's neck.

Alucard looked down at her.

Integra's face was a picture of misery. Her gaze had drifted away.

Alucard squeezed her back. "What was that? What were you just thinking?"

"I was just thinking. Maybe those aren't the only two choices I have. Maybe I'm just not thinking creatively."

"Oh?" Alucard's mood instantly changed. He looked merry, curious.

"Maybe you didn't survive the helicopter crash," Integra said. "Maybe I took the life jacket for myself and you sank in the ocean. Maybe that's what I'll tell everyone."

"Is there another part to this plan, or are you planning on stranding me here on this island?"

Integra's hand rested on her breast. "You told me you could change your appearance to make yourself look young enough to be my child. Do you think you could mimic aging as well? Well enough to fool the others?"

"To what end?"

"To replace me. To be the Director of the Hellsing Organization when I die-as a _Hellsing, _as my successor, as my son."

Alucard walked on a few steps, then suddenly his balance wavered. "I could…mimic the aging process enough to fool most humans."

"You'll have to fool _all_ humans. There must be no question about your validity, or the Round Table will challenge you. All it takes is one suspicion."

"_All_ humans?" Alucard questioned.

"Yes," Integra answered. "Walter and Seras, too."

Alucard slowed to a stop. "This is something you would do? Leave the fruit of Abraham VanHelsing's life-long achievements to his mortal enemy? Entrust the Hellsing Oganization to a vampire-to use its resources and power to achieve whatever goal I choose? To use your family's righteous name as my own, to glorify or sully to the dishonor of all who came before you?"

"Yes, I would do that."

"I have to put you down," Alucard said.

Blinking, Integra allowed herself to slide out of Alucard's arms. She watched him veer suddenly to the left, his eyes closed in concentration or pain, and he blindly reached out until his hand came in contact with a tree trunk. There, he steadied himself and began to breathe deeply and loudly.

"Are you alright?" Integra asked, approaching.

"You're a stupid, _stupid_ woman," Alucard barked, his eyes shut tight, forehead resting against the bark. "You must be insane to consider that a plan. Forget the mechanics of how you would fool everyone into believing it-you would never pull it off. I would be an utter tyrant without your guidance. There's no way."

Integra stood firm. "Why is it not moments after you told me you trust me implicitly to make a decision, you question my judgment now?" She crossed her arms. "Besides. You suggested it yourself two years ago. You attempted to change your appearance. " She lowered her voice. "You said you _fantasized_ about it. And I believe you. I can see how you want to have a family again-yet you don't have the confidence to be a father. This is the alternative. Relive your childhood and grow up to be the kind of man you've always wanted to be. How can you be so conflicted about something you so obviously want?"

Alucard was still for a moment.

Then the vampire straightened suddenly and turned around, abruptly seizing Integra's arm and wrenched her violently up that Integra cried out in pain. "Because," Alucard growled, "if I chose I could kill you right now and it would take no effort at all. I could break your arms and legs and suck every last drop of your blood and listen as your pitiful, terrified screams go silent and not feel a thing. You could die today and in one hundred years I won't even remember you. You may think you're the center of my universe-but so did Mina and Seras. You women are disposable nothings to me!" His eyes gleamed. "I don't even remember my wife's name. She threw herself to her death in grief because she thought I was dead and I don't give a shit enough to remember her name."

Alucard released Integra's arm and she fell back in the snow. The vampire stood menacingly over her. "Think very hard before you hand over your family's legacy to scum like me, before you embrace me as one of your own. I'll make sure you regret it."

Integra sat in the snow a moment, blinking at the vampre, then gingerly rose to her feet, brushing the snow off her legs a bottom. "Alucard," she said evenly, "Come _here_." She reached up and pried the silver cross from her cravat. She unpinned it and held it in her hand. "Roll up your sleeve and show me your wrist," she demanded.

Alucard paused. He looked down at his arm. He rolled up his sleeve and presented his bare, white wrist to her.

Integra put Alucard's arm under hers and squeezed it tightly against her side. With his appendage firmly held, she gently pressed her silver cross into the delicate, pale flesh of his arm. There was no immediate reaction, but after a few moments she felt Alucard's muscles flex and his body tense. A few more moments, and he released a painful grunt.

"Now?" Alucard asked a few seconds later, sounding stressed.

"Not yet."

They stood silently together.

Integra could see that Alucard's skin was erupting into hives surrounding the cross.

"Now?" Alucard asked again.

"I'll let you know when it's time," Integra said.

Nearly a minute later, she could see a visible, angry burn under the cross. Alucard's skin was hot and clammy and she could feel him shaking with effort.

"It _hurts,"_ he snarled.

She ignored his plea and kept the cross pressed in place for another thirty seconds when the skin had split and revealed red, pulsating tissue underneath, then released his arm and slowly pried the cross from Alucard's scorched skin. Under it, a burned imprint was revealed, his black undead skin scorched and curled, exposing his raw and bloody and pulsing sub-epidermis.

Free at last, Alucard spun around from her and flexed his hand several times, staring at his painful wound, his jaw clenched, his eye squeezed shut.

Integra watched him quietly.

Alucard's whole body still shook. His pale face was flushed red and his face was dripping with sweat. "I need to walk it off," he said. His voice was strained, but calm.

Integra said, "Five minutes."

"I don't need that long," Alucard spat, walking away on unsteady legs. He veered off directionlessly and Integra watched him go silently. After just a few seconds, however, he seemed to get his balance. He shook his head and his expression cleared up. He turned around, alert and free of pain and walked back to his master, rolling his sleeve back down. The burn was gone.

"I told you to feed before we left," she chastised, her eyes dark. "I won't tolerate your unpredictable outbursts. It won't happen again, will it?"

Alucard's eyes sank towards the snow.

Integra smirked humorlessly. "Of course it will. What was I thinking?" She turned around and began to walked through the deep snow on her own. "You'll never be a man if you always fall back on being a monster. You may fool the rest of the world with that act, but you don't fool me." She peered once over her shoulder at the vampire standing silently in the snow. "And you won't ever forget the name 'Integra Hellsing,' Alucard. You'll _never_ forget my name."

_to be continued…_


	7. Pleasure

It was a futile attempt to walk in the snow without shoes.

Integra's fiery temper cooled as her feet began to freeze. Her marching came to a halt and she stood still in the snow, her arms crossed and her chin tucked against her chest. She shivered quietly and waited for Alucard to catch up to her. Her breath hung in the air.

A moment later, Alucard was behind her. He saw that she was standing still and waited.

"I can't feel my feet," Integra said simply, not looking at him.

"May I?" Alucard suggested.

"Yes, please."

Alucard took his master into his arms easily. "It's not much farther," he said.

Integra didn't say anything. She placed her hands lightly around Alucard's neck.

Small flakes of snow began to dot the gray sky. After a few minutes, the air was thick with them. But neither the woman nor the vampire made any suggestion to turn around. The coast was in view, the dull crashing of waves audible, and the little fishing boat was a tiny dot against the craggy beach. England, the Hellsing mansion and all its comforts were just a few miles away. Hot tea. Cigars. A bathroom. She'd settle for a bathroom.

"Ilona," the young knight said.

Alucard didn't react.

"Did I butcher it?" Integra asked. She had never said the name out loud, but she had read it many times.

"No, that was it."

"Ah." Integra stared blankly at the darting snow flakes. So much misery caused by tiny little snow flakes. "You _do_ remember."

The trees and the forest vanished at last. Alucard and Integra were before the rocky beach, thick with snow, gray jagged rocks peeking out of the snow drifts. The ocean lapped against the snow, the sand completely buried. The black, churning water was such a sharp contrast against the white, it was like the earth had ripped open and was bleeding.

The boat bobbed and rolled peacefully in the natural harbor, like a toy.

Alucard lowered Integra down until her feet touched the snow. "Allow me," he said, stepping into the lip of the boat. The fishing boat was very heavy and didn't rock very much in reaction to his weight, so he reached out his hand to Integra. "Master."

Integra ignored his hand and reached for the hand railing and helped herself onto the boat. She walked past the vampire and examined the deck carefully. Everything was deeply buried in snow. She couldn't make out any visible equipment, just shapeless lumps. "It floats," she said, "but will it make it back to England?"

Alucard looked around. His hand was still awkwardly lifted.

He saw that Integra was staring, looking back at his empty hand and put it in his pocket. "I don't sense any danger."

"We didn't anticipate a problem with the helicopter." Integra slid her hand over the banister railing and watched the snow cascade down behind it. "This is decidedly more risky."

"Do you want to go back?" Alucard asked. "Wait it out a few more days and see if anyone comes?"

Integra thought a moment. She looked at the pile of disturbed snow by her feet. "No. We'll conduct a thorough examination of the boat and make certain it's sea-worthy. We have to return as soon as possible. Who knows what's gone wrong at Hellsing with us absent for a whole week. They can't even get their act together enough to conduct a proper search and rescue." Integra looked over her shoulder at Alucard. "For all I know, the Round Table has declared me dead and already divided my assets. If we hurry back now, I might have time to save the silverware."

Snowflakes swirled around Alucard and caught in his black hair. He nodded his head back in the direction they had come. "Maybe we should go back."

Integra blinked at Alucard, surprised. She thought of his coffin and how long he had been away from it. She thought of her own duties, how they'd been neglected. But then, she thought of spending one more night alone with Alucard in the cabin, shoulder to shoulder, slumbering in the same bed and how…acceptable it had all been. "Do you really want to?"

"I don't know. Maybe we should."

She rubbed her cold arms. She didn't like how uneasy Alucard sounded. She wasn't sure if he was nervous about the boat or just…nervous. "I didn't mean anything," she said. "About the helicopter. I mean, I didn't mean it as a _slight_."

"I know you didn't. But if we sink, I can't help you."

Integra hugged herself tightly as she studied Alucard's tense face. "We'll be okay," she assured him.

Alucard said, "I'll do whatever you decide."

"I think we should get moving as soon as possible."

"I'll do whatever you decide," Alucard said again.

Integra gestured towards the cabin doors. "I'm going inside. It's cold."

They parted and Integra went inside the cabin. The doors were stiff when she opened them, and inside the air was stale. A thick film of dust coated the controls and the windshield. The vampires had long abandoned their craft, probably living on the island for months before being discovered. Integra had no nautical know-how and she didn't know what any of the instruments were for. She briefly wondered if they needed keys to start the engine, but she dismissed the concern immediately. She had once seen Alucard jump start a car engine with his powers alone.

In front of her, a set of stairs descended into the lower cabins. There was no light, and the stairs were swallowed by darkness. She gingerly climbed down. When her feet touched the floor, she waited, staring into the dark until her eyes adjusted. After a minute, she could make out the faint glowing outline of the port-hole windows covered in snow. She could see the narrow dining table, and the sleeping bunks built into the hull. It was a modest little boat. There were no luxuries here. But where there were bunks, there were blankets, and her feet were frozen. She edged forward, mindful of her limited vision, and found the edge of a bunk. She smoothed her hands over it and finding it solid and sturdy, she climbed onto it and snuggled down on her belly. She bunched a blanket around her feet and lay in contentment. In no time, she was an insulated cocoon of covers.

Alucard sank through the ceiling and landed delicately in the cabin. "Do you know anything about engines?" he asked.

"I know everything about engines," Integra replied dryly. "I studied advanced engineering between raising myself and being schooled in obscure vampire lore."

Alucard gestured in the direction of the stern."I know enough about engines to know the one in this boat doesn't work."

Integra sighed and rolled over. She couldn't see Alucard, but she could hear him and feel him. "That won't delay us will it?"

She wasn't being sarcastic, and Alucard didn't take it as sarcasm. "No. It _will_ be a drain on my power." Alucard shifted uncomfortably. "I honestly don't know how long I can propel a boat this heavy," he said.

Integra sat up. "You're senses are all dull. Your power is languishing..."

"I should have fed before we left, I know," Alucard conceded. "I thought we could return home without causing you further discomfort."

Integra rolled up her sleeve. "Feed now and let's get under way. I'll recover on the way home." She lifted her hand up to him in offering.

Alucard sat next to Integra and took her wrist in his hand but didn't bring it to his lips. He let both their hands rest on his thigh. He stared down at them.

Integra asked, "What is it? What are you waiting for?"

Alucard stared at his hand holding hers. His hand was covered in a white glove, but Integra's glove was gone, lost in the ocean. He ran his thumb over her bare knuckles.

Integra continued to study his face. "You don't want to go back to England, do you? You want to stay here."

Alucard said, "What if we're dead?"

"What?"

"What if we're still in the helicopter at the bottom of the ocean? What if we _can't _leave-because we're in purgatory?"

Integra thought on that for a moment. Then she leaned towards her servant and whispered, "You're _stupid_."

Alucard gestured to the stairs leading to the deck. "I can't sense anything out there. I don't know where England is. I don't know what direction to steer in."

"When we're back at Hellsing, I'm going to tell everyone how _you_ got cabin fever and fell apart on me. I'm going to make sure Seras teases you mercilessly."

Alucard said, "My senses can't penetrate the fog and snow."

Integra counter, "You can turn _into_ fog and snow."

"That's what I'm _saying_," Alucard replied. "It doesn't make any sense. I should be able to see the entire island in my mind's eye. I should be able to sense life, death. Birds. Carcasses freezing in the snow. But I don't sense anything. My senses tell me we're alone. We're the only people in the whole world."

Integra lifted her wrist at Alucard. "Because you're not _feeding_. That's why you feel weak. Your power is ebbing."

Alucard shook his head. "No. No. I feel it. If we leave, we'll be sailing into a black expanse of limitless nothing."

"Is that why you're irrational?" Integra asked curtly. "Because your powers are compromised and you're not invincible? Every day is a black expanse of limitless nothing when you're a human. You can't be scared to move forward. Take a risk."

The vampire hung his head. "I'll do whatever you decide."

Integra folded her arms, thinking curiously to herself. After a moment of silence she said, "No. We'll do whatever _you_ decide. I'm leaving it up to you."

Alucard's head jerked back up. "No."

"If _you're_ convinced we're going to sail off the edge of the earth, or that we're going to sink and die, I trust your judgment," Integra said, "But if you're just dithering because you're scared, because you're at a disadvantage, then either take a few days and gather your courage or plunge into the unknown today. I know you'll find the heart eventually." Integra turned from him and crawled back into the bunk. "I'm on vacation, starting now. As the next senior member of Hellsing, you're in charge." She laid down on her stomach and rested her head in a pillow.

Alucard followed Integra and crawled beside her. "This isn't funny."

"Can't hear you, delegating."

Alucard growled, "You're being immature..."

"'You're being immature'," Integra echoed.

"I don't _make_ decisions."

"Then don't make a decision," Integra said, rolling over and looking at him. "That's a decision, too. Do whatever you want."

As Integra began to roll back over to face the wall, Alucard reached out to grab her shoulder. "There is no enemy I fear to face," he said. "There is no foe I can't conquer. I will meet Mars head-on without hesitation." Alucard's voice lowered. "But don't play this game with me. I know I cannot do it. I don't have…whatever you have…"

Integra replied, "What is it that you think I have that you don't have? Have you ever lost your nerve before a mission? Balked at an impossible task? Backed down from any enemy? Not once that I've ever seen. What's so intimidating about taking command? I've never known you to give up before you even tried."

Alucard held his hands palm-up. "For you? For my master? I will never give up. I know your cause it righteous and true. But for myself…? I know I am a lost cause. I was once a leader of men. Those men are no more. I will never again lead an army or a people. Mine is the way of war. Endless war. Victory and defeat, again and again…"

Integra sat up and put her hands on either side of Alucard's face. "Calm down."

Alucard realized he was panting. All at once, he stilled.

"You're thinking too big," Integra said. "It's not the end of the world if you make a decision and things don't turn out the way you want."

In Alucard's mind, he saw the hillsides of Wallachia littered with corpses. "Poor decisions have real consequences."

"It's good that you understand that," Integra said, "But you can let the possibility of unwanted outcomes paralyze you. I've led men who are dead, too. I've lost everyone but for a handful before, suffered certain defeats, and I can't let that stop me. Don't let doubt plague you. You have nothing to fear."

Alucard's hands found Integra's hands, which were still gently touching his face. His eyes slid shut and he savored her. "Master."

"My foolish pet," Integra mocked with a smile. "You look so human when you're flustered."

"I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered." Alucard's tired eyes opened again. "I want to be your pet forever."

Integra's smile grew warmer. "I'd much prefer it if you were my _man_ forever, but I'll settle for a vampire, I guess."

"_Would _you settle for a vampire?"

Integra's expression grew somber. She turned over one wrist and stroked Alucard's jaw softly with her knuckle.

"I can't give you anything," Alucard said. "I'm already you're slave. I don't have anything."

Integra became very fixated on some invisible spot on Alucard's skin, instead of looking him in the eye. She said, "I would give my name, my title, my home and everything in it-in exchange for nothing but your best. I don't expect anything else."

"What if my best isn't any good…?"

"Just your best, nothing else."

Alucard's eyes closed again, this time in bliss. "In my time, when a man and woman committed to share names and property, it was a marriage. It was very different from how humans think of it today."

"I know," Integra said. "It wasn't very different in England even a few generations ago."

Alucard said, "Marriages were typically arranged for political reasons and generally loveless, sometimes even sexless. But they were still considered sacred. Husbands and wives swore vows before God during their wedding ceremony, then kiss, sometimes for the first time. All that, and no love between them Odd, isn't it?"

"Yes, very odd," Integra agreed, watching Alucard closely.

"Odd," Alucard said absently, his head tilting, his mouth finding Integra's palm.

Integra tensed as she felt Alucard plant kisses in her hand for the second time. As the kisses grew moist and more insistent, she shivered, but didn't pull her hand away. She offered him no other place to plant his mouth, and he obediently stayed where he was. However, she felt herself grow light-headed as she heard him start to moan and felt his cold, wet tongue slither hungrily between her fingers, heard his voice hitch once, then twice. His whole body trembled with the effort of staying put. He was like an animal on the verge of breaking his chain.

Integra leaned forward and murmured, "Just bite. It's okay."

Alucard couldn't unlatch from her hand to respond. His eyes were squeezed shut, his lungs heaving, his lips and tongue swirling against her palm and fingers.

"_Bite_," Integra urged.

It came all at once. It wasn't controlled, as it had been last time. His fangs gnashed deeply into her hand and the blood welled up like an erupting oil well. Without removing his fangs, Alucard sealed his mouth over her wound and sucked deeply, swallowing rhythmically with gleeful grunts and sighs.

Integra bit down on her own yelp, balling her other hand into a tight fist and pounding it into the mattress. She doubled over in pain, shivering, trying to keep her wounded hand still for fear Alucard might accidentally bite it off should she yank it back.

She did not regret telling him to bite. She did not fault him for his ravenousness. But she was very aware that he had not yet removed his sharp fangs from his flesh, and every passing second meant more and more oxytocin in her brain.

"Alucard, your fangs..." Integra whimpered.

The sharp, agonizing pain grew more and more intense. So intense. Her heart pounded, her blood pressure sky rocketing to accommodate the vacuum of blood. Suddenly, her extremities went numb.

"Oh..."

Then the pleasure began.

"_Oh_. Oh my."

The intense pain wasn't pain anymore. Or maybe it was...

"Alucard, let go," Integra whimpered drowsily, her head drooping and resting against his shoulder. She felt like she was sinking into his body somehow, that his body was warm and she was being absorbed into him, and all his little demon familiars were slithering under her clothes and…_stimulating_ her in places rarely touched. It felt so real. She absently wondered if Alucard's fingers really were where she was imagining. No. No, he _wouldn't_.

Slowly, Alucard's fangs slid from their snug sheath of her flesh. Warm blood pumped out freely. "I want you to feel good," Alucard groaned, licking her hand hungrily then turning to lick her cheek. He left a trail of smeared blood on her contented face. Seeing blood on her face excited him more.

"I _do_ feel good," Integra assured him with a weak, embarrassed smile. She felt her body completely collapse into him, her arms limp like noodles. "I feel good."

Alucard licked her cheek again and again. He caressed her face and neck with his mouth, planting kisses over any skin not covered in blood already. "I want you to feel as good as I feel right now," he whispered. He lifted her limp wrist and feverishly licked her palm until no new blood was pumping out. As he did, he looked hungrily into Integra's drowsy eyes. "I can pleasure you. I know how."

With a sense of shame, she knew he probably could. He had probably made thousands, maybe millions of human victims, feel the same way as they were dying. That knowledge dulled her euphoria. Then she thought of Seras, and her hurt expression as Alucard ignored her again and again, two puncture wounds marring her throat, making her as his property forever. She thought of Mina, dead almost one hundred years now, rotting in a grave, alone. Alone after being promised the world.

"No, no," Alucard begged, kissing her chin, her jaw. "No, don't think like that. Please. I can be good."

But his kisses became cold as Integra's titillation vanished. Now her hand just ached and there was no pleasure. Alucard's mouth felt foreign. As her strength slowly returned, she began to lean away from his touch.

Alucard's kisses slowed and came to a stop.

He bowed his head and gently released her hands, leaning away from his master.

Integra wrapped her arms around herself and rocked back and forth. Now she felt cold, dizzy and a little sick. She smelled blood on herself.

There was an awkward silence.

"How do you feel now?" Alucard asked.

"Tired. I need to lay down and sleep. How do you feel?"

Alucard swung his legs over the side of the mattress and stood up on uneasy legs. "Fine. I feel fine. Why don't you go to sleep and I'll think about whether or not we should leave."

Integra settled on her back, pressing her aching hand against her chest. The wounds were closed, but black bruises had bloomed under the pressure of his jaw. "You'll make a decision then?"

"I'll make a decision," Alucard confirmed sadly.

_to be continued…_

AU: Sorry for the delay. I think I literally wrote 30 different versions of this chapter, all with different outcomes. Better to get it right then to write yourself into a corner.


	8. Manhood

The first time Vlad Tepes took a woman, he killed her almost immediately.

His cousins had raided a Turkish caravan and killed everyone except for the most tempting, delicious girls. It hadn't been _his_ idea to take any prisoners. He selected a girl at random, caught up in the moment, not knowing what else to do.

In his tent, the Turkish girl screamed and screamed. But Vlad was silent. He knew why his cousins had taken the girls. She knew, too. It was cruel for her to be here. She should have died back with her family and been spared this. Now her suffering was being needlessly prolonged. Her end was inevitable.

The girl was writhing naked on the ground and Vlad stood in full armor above her, his boot wedged into her throat. She scratched helplessly at his boot, her fingers bleeding. Her pale breasts flopped as she struggled.

He was miserable. He tried not to show the pity in his face. He could not look at her as a person, and he did not want her to look upon him as a person either. In this life that God had given them, they had been pitted against each other as enemies. He wanted to grant her the confidence of hating him until her last breath, of seeing him as a merciless, soulless monster rather than having to confront the confusing, gut wrenching realization they were both ordinary people, both in search of similar human comforts and that they likely had much in common. There was no place for understanding and compassion in war.

After a few minutes, he put all his weight down on her throat and her windpipe responded with a satisfying "crunch."

When she was still, Vlad exhaled in relief.

Vlad arranged her naked body to sit up-right on a stood, though her broken neck meant her head hung backwards. It took several attempts to balance her right. Then he looked at her for a long time. She was…curious looking. Now that she was dead, he could examine at her closely. She was beautiful.

After a moment, he began to eat her.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Integra was completely asleep.

Alucard sat next to her on the bunk, looking down at her relaxed face, her white hair spilling across the wool blankets. Her skin was clammy and pale from the bloodletting. Her hands were curled, bloody fists between her beasts, deep purple bruises blooming under savage, gnashing bite wounds. Alucard held a lock of her hair in his gloved hand. He rubbed the strands between his fingers.

She had been repulsed by him.

He was suddenly very aware of the passage of time. The gentle rocking of the boat. The hollow whistle of the winter winds over the deck. Integra's shallow breathing. The absence of his beating heart.

He felt nothing. He sensed nothing. His powers could detect nothing living or dead. Alucard closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind. He looked with his mind's eye in every direction, trying to sense England. Nothing. Even freshly fed, he could sense nothing. His red eyes opened. Nothing. Nothing anywhere. Nothing everywhere.

This would be difficult to explain to Integra. Already, she had accused him of being afraid-a foul, disturbing concept. And while facing the unknown did not fill him full of dread, his powers were either disappearing or were being suppressed, and that _was_ cause for concern. He thought back to the helicopter, how he hadn't been able to sense the danger until it was too late. Even then, at that moment, his powers had failed him. Since the moment they came to the island, _something_ had been working against him. Something terribly evil had settled over the island and wanted to keep them there, something more powerful than he. God perhaps. Or the Beast.

Alucard shivered. While Integra laughed at his nervous (in hindsight irrational) suggestion that they were dead, he couldn't shake the feeling that there _was_ an ethereal, tormenting presence was just beyond the edge of his perception, that they were being watched.

Or, perhaps Integra was right. Robbed of the security of his powers, he was discovering he was a sniveling coward under all those abilities, just as he was a shriveled corpse under the illusion of youth and beauty, and that his brave and aggressive nature was as fake and superficial as his charming smirk.

His brow furrowed. How much farther would his power deteriorate? Would his ability to regenerate be compromised? What about his youth? Could he experience rapid aging? His stomach twisted at the thought. While immorality had long ago lost its appeal, and even the eventuality of death could be a gift from God, the idea of shriveling up into a five hundred year old husk before his lovely master, pitiful, blind and crippled, only to die moments later in agony was…terrifying.

Alucard's rubbed the strands of her hair between his fingers.

Her blood should have rejuvenated him. He should feel flush with power.

"I can pleasure you," he had promised to her, kissing her throat, smearing her blood around. "I want you to feel good…"

_Like your cheap whore? _Integra had thought bitterly_. Like your _other _cheap whores? Another conquest for Dracula, another soul wasted._

It had mortified him. He had clung to her in those last moments, pulling her close even as he felt her leaning away. In her cloudy, hazy mind, in her deepest, most private thoughts, she had only contempt for him. What little love she felt, what tender blossoms of affection grew, germinated from seeds of pity. At the end of the day, he was a vampire, and she _knew_ better.

Alucard caught himself stroking Integra's hair. He looked down at his hand, saw he had been rubbing her strands between his fingers for a long while. How long had he been doing that? Alucard placed the lock of hair gently back down on the mattress and folded his hands neatly in his lap and stared blankly ahead.

This obsession had to cease. For many years, he had recognized that his fantasy was one-sided. He read her thoughts with enough frequency to know that. But she had tolerated so many of his advancements, been receptive...no, she had never_ really_ been receptive. Many hot curses and book ends had been flung in his direction in response to his "vulgarity." But that was playful, wasn't it? Maybe. She grew older and more handsome every day. Sometimes she…sometimes her thoughts…what did an occasionally thrown book mean in comparison to the gift of the only life jacket on the helicopter?

Alucard swung his legs over the side of the bunk, mindful not to disturb his master's sleep. How pathetic he must look to her, he thought. Like a dog humping a guest's leg. He looked down between his own legs. Castration was the fate of all domesticated beasts.

Alucard looked over his shoulder at Integra. He was compelled to wake her up at this very moment. Wake her and apologize for all he had done. A full confession. Forgiveness could not come without confession. Not just for this night, for the gnashing bites, and not just for a decade of foolishness and posturing, but for everything. For everything he was and had ever been. He wanted to peel off his past like a wet towel and leave it on the ground and stand naked before his master, new and clean and ready to learn how to eat and sleep and be in the company of men and God once more.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Integra rolled over drowsily. As she did, her cheek rested on something icy cold. Her eyes fluttered open.

The small white hand under her cheek drew back.

Integra's eyes followed it, focusing slowly on a figure sitting beside her. In a moment, she realized she was looking at Alucard, but she only recognized by his red jacket. He had shrunk inside his own garments, his collar swimming around his slender neck, his clothes swelling around him. He was much younger looking than Integra had ever seen, his face small and round, his features immature, a face of a child's. Except for his unruly black hair and his red eyes, he was a stranger. His eyes were larger, brighter than before, and yet redder and more menacing somehow. A child's eyes shouldn't have that tinge of murder in them, a look she had grown accustomed to in his adult form. That face, those eyes…he looked like a demon, a spawn of the devil.

Integra recoiled, trying to suppress her gut reaction. "Is that you?"

Those bright eyes couldn't conceal his disappointment. "It's not what you imagined, is it?" He looked down at himself. "It's not what I hoped for either."

"It's just…my God, you're so _small_." She warily reached out for him. "Let me touch you."

The small creature shamefully drew away from her and hid its face behind the oversized sleeves. "No. I'll change back now."

Integra tried to embrace the thing. "Not yet, please. Let me at least look at you."

"No," he said. "The look on your face is unbearable."

"Please don't change back yet," Integra plead, stroking it's thick hair, trying to get it to look up at her. "Let me see."

"No! You only want the parts of me that look human! But I'm not human! I'm a monster! Look!" Suddenly, his face turned to her and his mouth opened like a chasm, revealing thick rows of 4-inch shark-like jagged teeth. The vampire child lunged at her.

Integra shrieked involuntarily, shut her eyes and shoved him back. When she opened her eyes Alucard was an adult again, fully formed and solid. He stood a good ten feet away from the bunk, his back against the stairs of the hull, his head drooping. His gloved hands were shaking fists pressed tightly against his thighs. White light from the snowy earth above flooded around the vampire, and occasional stray snowflakes drifted down around him.

Integra panted heavily, feeling sweat prickle her hairline. "Goddamn it, Alucard! Why did you do that?" She flexed her mauled hand as pain seared her appendage. She shuddered around her hand, holding the tender appendage still. In a calmer voice, she asked again; "Why did you do that?"

"I'm not human," Alucard said, his voice cold and defeated. "I can't fix it. I can't ever go back."

_To be continued… _


	9. Proposition

Author's Note: I don't write too slow. You people _read_ too fast.

Radu had been younger than Vlad–four years younger, but the two boys looked to be the same age.

When their father had traded them as hostages to the Ottomans, the older Vlad had already been initiated into the Order of the Dragon and was very proud of his _Dracul_ blood and heritage. Naturally, he hated the Ottoman Sultan and his prince son Mehmed and wasted no time in letting them know. In turn, he was beaten and whipped and locked up into an underground dungeon under the royal palace.

The palace was a decedent place, much more lavish and luxurious then Dracul's drafty castle high in the Carpathians. It was densely populated by members of the court, feasting soldiers, foreign diplomats and, of course, hundreds of concubines and slaves. Any whim or fetish could be satisfied. The fierce Sultan got whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. And that first night, he'd wanted the eleven year old _Vlad_, as the boy's soft white skin and angry mouth excited him.

Radu, being an innocent seven years old, was submissive from the start. That pleased the Sultan and his prince son, and once Radu converted to Islam, he was allowed into the court and permitted all its pleasures.

After some time, Radu asked where his brother Vlad was being kept. He had often wondered about it, but never dared asked. He was resolutely loyal, but Radu still wondered about the brother that had disappeared. The prince Mehmed explained how Vlad had become the Sultan's most prized concubine.

"Your brother is _very_ resilient," Mehmend mused pleasantly. "The Sultan is extremely violent. He loves causing others pain, and he craves blood. His lovers don't tend to live very long–maybe one or two encounters. Your brother pleases my father very much. You should try him for yourself. In fact, I _insist_."

That's how it came to be that Radu, to prove his loyalty, went with Mehmend deep into the sublevels of the royal Ottoman palace to rape his own brother.

Radu found it was easy to do. When he saw his naked, starving brother chained to the cold stone floor, he barely recognized the older boy. His thick, muscular frame was wasted away from malnourishment, his beautiful white skin dappled in deep plum and purple bruises, his hair hanging in thick, greasy, lice-eaten clumps.

Most shocking, though, was the teeth marks. Those terrible, terrible teeth marks. Thick and deep and infected, they were everywhere: on his neck and throat and chest and wrists and arms and thighs and stomach. There was even a set on his cheek, as if he had been bitten in the _face_. Those teeth marks barely looked human. They were vicious, jagged little twin holes side-by-side, like the sting of a cobra but with the brutality of a tiger's maul.

When Vlad lifted his zombie-like face from the floor, he begged Radu for something to drink. He would do _anything_-for something to drink…

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"I'm not human," Alucard said, his voice cold and defeated. "I can't fix it. I can't ever go back."

Both monster and human were silent then.

Integra's shoulders slumped.

The vampire studied her disappointed face. After a moment, Alucard laughed. His laugh grew louder and more forceful. In a moment, he was out of control laughing, his body doubling over, his legs trembling. His strength failed and he crumpled against the metal stairs, laughing. Alucard carried on, clutching the cold railing until he lost his grip. Under his face, in the white snow below him that gathered on the floor, the powder was dappled with his bloody tears.

Integra stared at him uncomprehendingly. Was he mad?

After several minutes, Alucard's laughing dissolved. He sat up and wiped the tears out of his eyes. Blood streamed down his nose, dripped off his chin, staining his white collar. He stared absently at the floor where the red droplets landed. Then he just sat in silence. After a time, he wiped his face and looked at his glove, soaked in blood.

A snow flake flittered across Alucard's nose.

He blinked. He watched it float by.

He exhaled. He saw it float numbly, catch in his breath and descend into his lifted hand and land in the blood pooling there. Its crystalline form stood stiff for a moment, then collapsed and melted in the blood.

Alucard stared absently into his own cupped hand for a moment. "I used to believe God made everything happen for a reason," Alucard whispered. "I thought it was His will that plucked my children and my wife away from me, like he was cutting flowers. I hated Him for what He did. I was His faithful servant. To be punished and cursed after how I fought for Him…Then I stopped believing He intervened in our lives at all. But maybe God still _is _everywhere. Maybe He knew my armies were doomed, that our land would be ravaged and He took my family to protect them."

Integra said, "Alucard…?"

"Maybe it's God's doing that my senses can't penetrate the fog. Maybe He crashed the helicopter." Alucard tightly shut his fist, blood squeezing out between his fingers. "Maybe God was on Hellsing's side when he pierced my heart." Blood dripped from Alucard's hand. "Could it be that you and I are meant to be here on this island tonight?"

"What are you saying?"

Alucard looked back at Integra. "It is no accident you are a virgin my blessed, immaculate Madonna."

Integra blinked at him, uncomprehendingly.

"Let me make a proposition of my own," Alucard declared, opening his bloody fist and offering it to his master.

Integra drew back, her back suddenly flush against the hull. She stared wide-eyed at Alucard's bloody, dripping hand, frozen, holding her breath, as if she might become infected just by smelling it.

Alucard continued to hold his hand out. "Maybe there's yet more options we haven't…explored," he suggested.

"Please don't touch me with that," Integra asked, her eyes fixated on the hand.

Alucard's hand wavered. "We can be a family. A _real_ family."

"A_ family_?" Integra repeated. "A family is what I'm offering _you_. I'm offering you a home and a life and chance to reclaim something you say that you've lost and..."

"It can be a real family," Alucard interrupted, looking forlornly at Integra. "You can reign eternal, and I and my fledgling will be ever faithful."

"Alucard, _no_."

"You would remain my undoubted master," Alucard assured her. "Seras and I will continue to serve as your slaves…or we will become your children, if that is what you wish." He leaned forward, speaking feverishly, blood spilling from his cupped hand.. "You can mold us into anything you desire. Make me into the lover of your choosing."

Integra shook her head. "What you're offering _me_ is a_ curse_." She shuddered. "I'm trying to help you get _free_ of that curse."

Alucard slightly lowered his hand. "You can't…_save_ me." He looked at Integra in a mixture of betrayal, confusion and incomprehension. "You should know that. You were taught everything about vampires from the time you were a girl. That should have been the _first_ thing you learned. It can never be undone."

Integra's face and body was wracked in regret. "I didn't forget."

Alucard sat in miserable silence.

"I want to give you a place to live out your days," Integra reasoned. "I'm not just leaving Hellsing to you, but all my beloved England safe in your care. You claim without guidance, you'll become a tyrant…but I know you'll never do harm to my England."

"Live out _your_ days with me," Alucard plead. "Your house is too big for one man."

Integra said gently, "My place is at the right hand of God. Without submission to Him, our mission is doomed. At the end of this life, I will take my place next to my father in the Heavenly Kingdom."

Alucard settled back down on the step. "You love your father."

Integra was again taken aback. "Of _course_ I do."

"You want to be reunited with him."

"I don't wish_ harm_ on myself, if that's what you're suggesting," Integra said. "But it's my wish to be reunited with my loved ones in heaven, yes."

Alucard let his hand fall to the side, the blood spilling out. "You will never be reunited with me."

Integra watched the blood stream from Alucard's hand and disappear through the grates in the stairs.

"I'm not worthy of being a Hellsing," Alucard told her. He gestured to himself. His skin turned black and his flesh rotted away, revealing shrinking tendons and muscles over white bone. After a few moments, all his youth and beauty were gone. He was a rotting corpse. His empty eye sockets were pits of terror, his slacken jaw frozen in a silent scream, clumps of thin white hair clinging to the remnants of his scalp like dead spiders. "_Now_ can you imagine me suckling from your breast? Will you continue to nourish me with your body and your heart?_ Mother_?"

Integra looked mournfully at the corpse, drawing away.

The corpse's mouth didn't move. The voice didn't seem to come from anywhere, yet Integra could hear it clearly: "Shall you bounce me up and down on your thigh while you teach me right from wrong? Will you dress me smartly in a uniform and send me to school and show me good table manners? Will you tuck me into bed, all safe and sound, kiss me good night and leave the night light on?" The corpse's head rolled to the side, either in decomposition, laziness or the ravages of madness. "Will you bury me in the earth with linen and lilies when I suffocate in my crib?"

"Alucard, that's enough," Integra said.

"My queen, my mother, I offer myself entirely to thee," the corpse crooned, "And to show my devotion to thee, I offer thee this day, my eyes, my ears, my mouth, my heart, my whole being without reserve. Wherefore, good Mother, as I am thine own, keep me, guard me as thy property and possession. Amen..."

"Turn back _now_, Alucard," Integra interrupted sharply.

The corpse was still, though it's disembodied voice continued to speak: "Are you offended by my nakedness? Is it obscene? Are you _repulsed_?" It sighed. "I should have crumbled to dust long ago."

"Alucard!" Integra shouted.

With that, Alucard's composure and body returned, his flesh and clothing slithering up his torso and face, hatching and patching together until a human-like form appeared, hair sprouting from the skull and sweeping down over the vampire's eyes, hiding his face.

Integra felt herself exhale. She hadn't realized she had been holding her breath.

"When _you_ reach that other shore," Alucard said from somewhere under his black mane, "tell my family I love them."

Suddenly, the boat shuddered. Everything crashed around them.

Integra yelped and tumbled off the bunk. Alucard was thrown from the stairs, though his arm had been hooked around the railing and he didn't go far. "Integra!" he shouted.

"I'm fine!" she shouted back, gathering her legs. "What happened?"

Alucard held out his hands, his balance wavering. "We're…_moving_."

"What? How?" Integra stood on wobbly legs. "Did someone drop a _bomb_ on us?"

Alucard looked up at the bunk ceiling. "There'd need to be a plane for that."

Integra and Alucard looked at each other. They both scrambled up the steps.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

To be continued…


	10. The Beast

Alucard and Integra emerged from the cabin and darted out onto the deck, looking up frantically at the gray sky. But there was nothing there. They both twirled and whirled around, looking, looking.

"Is it above the clouds?" Integra wondered. Alucard didn't answer, staring at the sky in puzzlement.

At that moment the boat shuddered again, this time more violently than before. The jerking threw off Integra's balance again and she fell onto the snowy deck. Alucard managed to keep his footing and he reached down to grab Integra's hand and pull her up. Just as she got to her knees, another jolt hit them and the motion combined with Integra's weight caused Alucard to slip and fall onto his rear-end rather awkwardly. But there was no time to glower in embarrassment; the boat continued to churn and shake. Integra and Alucard clasped both their hands together, not sure if they would be hit again and not wanting to careen in opposite directions.

"What is it?" Integra exclaimed, shouting against the thundering and creaking and the sound of scraping metal.

Again they were hit with a massive impact. The intensity was increasing with every instance. This rocked the boat so severely that Integra and Alucard slid back and forth across the deck several feet.

Alucard looked at the ledge of the boat. "It feels like its…_under_ us. A submarine trying to come up?"

Integra considered it, clutching Alucard's hands and sleeves, pulling herself closer, snow clinging to her. "This close to shore?"

"It's a natural harbor, no telling how deep it is…" Alucard was cut off by another jolt which struck them with such intensity that they were thrown up off the deck a few inches, then the boat rocked back and forth with a violence that Integra couldn't bite down on her own involuntary scream. They slid across the deck again, leaving a path in the snow, coming to rest against a railing.

When things settled again, they both looked around.

"What is this?" Alucard thundered.

Integra noticed it at the same time. The fog hugging the boat parted momentarily, revealing the coast…now at least a mile away.

Integra gritted her teeth, shivering in the cold, her clothes soaked now. "It's as if someone pulled up the anchor and we drifted away from the harbor…"

"…_Against_ the tide," Alucard growled angrily, finishing her thought.

They looked at each other knowingly.

This time, they heard the impact coming before they felt it, as if their unknown assailant had pulled back to gather speed. It creaked, echoed from the water. It _moaned_. Haunting and deep. Growing louder.

Alucard and Integra gave each other a panicked looked. They snaked their arms together and locked hands with all their strength. "No life jackets this time!" Integra warned.

Alucard breathed, feeling the air catch in his throat. He glanced briefly over the railing at the black water, knowing he couldn't swim. "If it comes to that, just let me go," Alucard told her. "I'll be fine. I won't die."

"You'll never be able to find your way," Integra warned frantically. "You'll lose your way in the dark and freeze. And who knows how far you'll sink, you could be crushed…" she continue to protest, but her voice was drowned out by the coming surge.

The impact took Integra's breath away. They were both thrown into the air as the boat was lifted and began to overturn…but then rocked back, swaying back and forth. They landed back on the hard deck, only to be thrown again and again until they came to rest against the opposite railing, facing the ocean.

At that moment, they saw it. A great black humpback whale, it's irregular head dabbled with white barnacles, it's eyes red, its mouth and nose bloody and crushed. It's skull was compressed from the act of crashing into the boat.

They both stared at it in disbelief.

"Why is it attacking us?" Integra gasped. "It's killing itself."

"Look at its eyes," Alucard hissed, recognizing the tell-tale sign of a familiar. "It's possessed."

"It's not under its own control?"

"I used to use wolves," Alucard confessed. "Some other animals. I could change my shape, but sometimes it's convenient to use wild animals as your eyes and ears, even do your bidding if you were a powerful enough vampire."

"Have you ever seen a…a whale under a vampire's control?" Integra asked.

"No," Alucard said, his voice disturbed. "Our foe must be very powerful indeed to control something so large so far away."

The whale rolled, spraying blood through its blow hole. It tried to swim around again, but seemed to be struggling against its own self inflicted wounds.

"Alucard, kill it," Integra said despondently. Alucard nodded. Integra clasped her hands over her ears and shut her eyes as Alucard reached into his jacket and produced the Jackal, the more powerful of his two weapons. Aiming at the humpback's eye, Alucard pulled the trigger and watched in satisfaction as the bullet successful penetrated the whale's brain pan. Suddenly, the dying whale exhaled it's great lung's air through it's blowhole, spraying a spectacular foam of blood before sinking silently.

Integra peered over, just in time to see the last of the great black body sink. "What a waste."

"It's just an animal," Alucard scoffed, though he said so sorrowfully.

They remained against the railing until the boat ceased rocking and it was safe to stand. Yet, even as the boat stilled, it did not straighten itself. It remained leaning to one side, the deck slanted, both woman and vampire unable to stand on the slippery planks. Integra and Alucard crawled against the railing, taking care not to let their legs get stuck.

"We must be taking on water," Alucard said.

Gravity pulled the snow from the deck, the heavy wet powder toppling on top of the woman and the vampire. As they shoved it aside, more piled on. They both struggling to hold onto the railing as the weight pushed on them.

"Propel us, Alucard," Integra ordered urgently, struggling to keep her footing. "Whatever strength you have left, get us as close to the island as possible."

With a grunt, Alucard strained to move the boat. It groaned in response and began to turn, sluggishly slicing through the ocean water. The boat shuddered and creaked, beams snapping beneath them. Alucard gave Integra a look.

"Don't slow down," Integra urged him. "Keep going!"

"Its falling apart. We're taking on water faster." Alucard's face was tense, his undead body stressed.

"Then go faster," Integra said. "We can't sink here. We're too far from shore to swim it."

The tiny strip of land in the distance was growing larger, but the railing they clung to sank ever closer to the black water. Integra could feel the icy spray on her face. Soon, the churning water was lapping at her feet. She told Aluacard to climb up the railing like a ladder, but as he did, his concentration faltered and the boat's speed decreased.

"Alucard," Integra snapped, "Focus!"

Alucard climbed lazily, his eyes fuzzy. "I feel dizzy…"

"Forward!" Integra ordered.

Alucard pushed and pushed, his face flush, his brow dripping sweat, his eyes squeezed shut. In his mind, he could only think _Forward! Forward!_ He had a short burst of momentum that lasted several minutes before they began to lose speed again. Nevertheless, Alucard pushed on.

"Good, Alucard," Integra praised nervously, continuing to shovel snow off herself and her servant. "Keep going. We're getting closer."

Alucard was winded. His arms trembled under his own weight. "Master, how much longer?"

"I can't tell, just keep going."

Alucard settled onto his own chest, his head hanging between the rails. "It's too heavy." The boat's speed decreased rapidly.

Integra grabbed Alucard's shoulders and she pulled at him. "Alucard! We're too far away!"

Alucard tried to sit up and get his bearings. He looked at the shore; indeed, the shore seemed too far away for a human to swim unassisted. Not to mention hypothermia was _certain_ at these freezing temperatures. At this point, only the bow of the ship remained above water. Everything was submerged, and they were still slowly sinking. The more water they took on, the more difficult it was to move.

"Alucard, we're sinking faster," Integra scolded. "You can't give out now!"

"I just…needed a quick rest," Alucard panted, then shut his eyes and tried to summon his strength. The boat tremored, but wouldn't move. He tried again with a loud grunt. Again, nothing. Gritting his teeth, he pushed and pushed. Every muscle in his body strained, a black steam rising from his hunched form, his demon familiars hissing and moaning under his skin.

Integra watched in a panic. She saw Alucard struggling, but she also saw the lapping water begin to swallow him, first touching his boots, then splashing against his thighs. "Forget it," Integra said at last, grabbing Alucard and pulling him to the top of the bow with her.

Here, Alucard collapsed momentarily, his head coming to rest on Integra's chest. He wheezed, his face pained. Integra brushed his hair from his damp face, looking franticly about at the rising water. "Alucard," Integra gasped, feeling the water lapping at her feet, yet there was no where left to climb. "We have to ditch."

Alucard clutched Integra back, knowing he was useless. He produced no body heat that could warm her and he could not swim to take her back to shore. His master's clothing and hair was soaked, the water leeching her body heat, freezing to her blue skin.

She would die soon in the water.

"Go," Alucard urged, panting.

"By myself?"

"I'll hold on to the boat," Alucard breathed. "When this is all over, use radar to find the wreck. That's where you'll find me. I'll be right here, waiting." He nudged Integra with his forehead, his shaking hands pushing her away from him. "Go."

"You're crazy if you think I can hike back to the cabin by myself, all dripping and wet in this cold," Integra said. "Even if I could make it to shore by myself without drowning. I _need_ you to come with me." She hit him sharply in the arm. "Besides, you lazy stiff, you clearly left one vampire alive on that island! Do your job and finish your mission! Or do you expect me to do that by myself, too?"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Alucard said in genuine, raw guilt, his eyes shut tight, trying to regain his strength. "I don't know how I missed one. They were all so weak and young…"

Integra wrapped Alucard's shoulder sharply again. "_Always _underestimating your opponents! That's your swollen ego at work you fool. God damn it. I will punish you _later_," Integra barked, her false bravado overshadowed by the water now creeping up to her waist. "_After_ we swim from _here_…," Integra pointed at the shore, "to _there_."

The vampire shook his head. "I can't swim," Alucard said simply, miserably. "I can't swim."

"Yes you can."

"No I can't."

"Don't argue with me, you can swim just fine. I'm going to show you how…"

And there was no choice now. Integra found herself up to her chest in the water, her weight no longer supported by the boat, starting to float on her own. Another few seconds later, she felt herself beginning to support Alucard as well.

At the sudden shift in weight, Alucard became more animated, realizing he was starting to sink. He began to thrash.

Integra paddled up behind Alucard, spitting and coughing on sea water, and snaked her arms under his and around his chest. But she felt he was still clutching to the railing under the water, as if it were a life line, but it was actually sucking him down. "Let go!" she panted.

But Alucard found he could not let go. His hand gripped the railing and he could not let himself release his life line, even at Integra's command, anymore than he could willingly shoot himself. Cold fear gripped him. Looking down at himself, he couldn't see his own body in the black water. He felt his legs kicking feverishly, but his undead body was dense and heavy and nature yearned to suck him down into the freezing depths. He was being swallowed whole.

Integra reached out and put her hand over Alucard's and tried to pry his inhuman fingers from the railing. "Let go!"

Alucard continued to hold on, irrational fear seizing him even as he knew that his last life line would sink soon enough. He found he could not let go until the last of the railing until it threatened to pull him completely under the water. He allowed Integra's fingers to cover his. She pulled her hand towards them, dragging it over his chest, both their fists now clamped over his heart. Alucard shut his eyes, kicking his legs furiously, uselessly, but squeezing to Integra with what remained of his strength, certain they would both be sucked down any moment under his tremendous weight.

"Shhh," Integra soothed, her teeth chattering. "Look up at the sky."

Alucard automatically obeyed. He turned his back to her and looked up at the white, snowy sky. Integra took a deep breath and snaked her arms under his arm pits and grasped her hands over his chest. "Press your elbows to your sides and don't let go of my hands. Squeeze them if you get scared. Do not let go or try to flail, no matter what happens."

In any other circumstance, Alucard would have been furious as the suggestion he might be _scared_. But he _was_ scared. Any rational vampire was terrified of moving water. It stung his pride, nonetheless.

"You can't _carry_ me," Alucard gasped. "I'm too…_you can't. _You _can't_!"

"You would neverlet _me_ get away with admitting defeat before I even tried. _You_ are going to swim. And I'm going to help you. Now, lay your head back on my chest and do what I say."

Trembling, he did. She was_ insane_.

"Take a deep breath and fill your lungs with air. Now relax your legs."

He sucked in all the air he could. Nervously, he let his legs relax. He felt himself pressing down on Integra, felt her sinking into the water as she balanced his weight.

Suddenly, she surged backwards.

He panicked, thinking she was drowning. He remembered her warning to not flail and to squeeze her hands, and so he did, shutting his eyes tightly and waiting for the cold water to swallow them both. Water surrounded his face. But he did not sink any farther her. He remained buoyed up. In a moment, Integra's face resurfaced from the water behind his head, and she sucked in more air.

They surged backwards again. She disappeared in the water. She came back up for air. They surged again. She disappeared in the water. She came back up for more air.

He was stunned. They were moving. As long as she had the strength to swim, the act of propelling backwards kept him light, his weight absorbed by the water, keeping him from dragging her under.

He couldn't believe she still had the strength to swim.

The icy water massaged Alucard's heated scalp, his hair floating and tickling his jaw. He concentrated on Integra's labored lungs. He closed his eyes and saw the island in his mind's eye. "Left," he urged quietly to his master, correcting her blind journey. "Right."

"Help me kick…," Integra sputtered, Alucard feeling her exhausted limbs tiring. He kicked obediently, mirroring her strokes, clutching her hands tightly.

After that, it was just the sound of waves, kicking, coughing, breathing and grunting.

Soon, Integra wriggled. "I can touch," she garbled.

Indeed, there was land under Alucard's feet. As soon as he could plant his feet firmly, he released himself from Integra's embrace and scooped her up over his shoulder and rushed awkwardly out of the water. She was so cold.

Dripping, the vampire climbed up the jagged, rocky shore with his master. As soon he reached the tree line, he carefully laid Integra down on the ground. Her face and hands were purple, and she shivered in silence.

Alucard summoned his control and forcefully expelled all the water from his body and clothing with a sharp burst. He crouched down quickly and told Integra, "We're going to switch again, okay?"

He couldn't tell if she understood or even heard him. There was no time for modesty.

He was not gentle this time. He ripped her clothes from her body, getting the heat-leaching fabric off her skin as quickly as possible and tossing various articles in the snow. He briefly beheld the brilliance of her magnificent breasts once again, the tempting golden patch at the juncture of her thighs, but it was spoiled by the fact that all her flesh was a splotchy, angry purple, evidence of her hypothermia. Alucard shrugged off his coat and covered her, wrapping her tightly, including her head and feet, only leaving her nose and mouth free for easy breathing.

"I saw you look at my breasts," Integra scolded weakly.

"I'm sorry." He hoisted her back up into his arms and scrambled up the hill. He could no longer move with supernatural speed, but he moved as quickly as he could.

0o0o0o0o0o

To be _continued._


	11. The Test

Alucard kicked in the cabin door, splintering it.

For a moment, he stood at the door, Jackal extended, clutching Integra in his other arm. He looked around frantically, pointing his weapon in every direction, as if he expected a vampire or a hoard of ghouls to be laying in wait for him. But the cabin was empty, just as they'd left it.

He rushed inside to the fireplace. In between the sofa and the fire place was small coffee table. Alucard tossed the coffee table across the room effortlessly, and it crashed against the floor.

Alucard knelt down and gingerly deposited Integra on the floor, opening his coat to look at her. Integra's lips, ears and fingers were blue. Her unfocused eyes staring at nothing. Her flesh was puffy, and instead of a warm honey, her skin was mostly red.

He grimaced. Alucard had spent enough of WWII in the snow watching soldiers freeze to death to know the symptoms of on-set organ failure due to hypothermia. Her blood vessels, which should have been constricted to keep her internal organs warm, were relaxing as her body gave up, sending her blood rushing back into her skin, causing the swelling and redness. Soon, ice crystals would form in her blood cells. Clinical death could begin at any time.

Snatching up the discarded coffee table pieces, Alucard flung them into the fireplace. The wood shattered. With a hiss and glow of his red eyes, the wood in the fire place erupted into furious flames. He went into the kitchen and took the kettle from the stove. He jiggled it, hearing water inside, and went to the fire to hang it over the flame.

He went to the windows, pulled down the drapes and came back to his master. Kneeling beside her once more, he unwrapped her completely from his damp coat and, taking care not to disturb her modesty (he had the numbing sense these would be her final moments alive, and the notion those moments might be spoiled by his unintentional fondling mortified intensely him in a way he couldn't put into words) he placed her on top of one of the dry drape panels. Now covered, he rubbed her torso furiously, trying to create friction.

"Talk to me," he asked to which she responded with silence.

Alucard's mind was reeling. He began to ask himself; If it came down to it…could he turn her into a vampire, against her wishes, to save her life?

Just the idea left a bitter taste in his mouth; it defied his own principals, his own code. Spreading vampirism to humans was an act subject to his deeply personal, delicate and ever-changing values. But consent, however misinformed, was paramount and always had been. Integra never wanted to be a vampire. She had said so plainly in no uncertain terms.

Alucard looked anxiously at the tea kettle, waiting.

_Bastard!_ _Gutless son of a bitch!_ Alucard reeled in fury. _All the years I have hunted for a worthy foe and I have found him at long last…a cunning strategist who used all his resources carefully to elude my detection. _

_He disarmed us and stalked us without ever leaving a trace. Not a foolish fledgling. Not like those immature things I've grown accustomed to killing, who challenge me directly with their bloated egos, seeking recognition and celebrity. He's a sophisticated hunter who let his power do the work without ever exposing himself. Clever. Cowardly, but clever. But he isn't hunting us for thrills, he isn't hunting us for glory. He means to kill Integra and I. Quietly. Effectively. A worthy foe, indeed. A very powerful, level-headed and patient vampire to be sure. _

_And I have no time for him. I have no time._

Integra's silence was maddening. Alucard tried to talk to Integra, tried to coax her into staying awake. It had worked for a little while on their journey. Then she became delirious, hostile, though Alucard would be hard pressed to understand Integra's gibberish, even with the advantage of knowing her thoughts. Now she lapsed in and out of consciousness. She'd been quiet for the last two miles.

Thoughts of futility crept into Alucard's panicked mind.

_That vampire must die. If he's powerful enough to cloud my perception, certainly he is powerful enough to confuse the mind of a helicopter pilot and cause him to crash. No wonder Hellsing has not come to our rescue. How many have been lost trying to fly here? How many have met their death in this fog, their instruments failing? How many boats have sunk? _

He paced, waiting for the kettle to make some sound.

_Hunting my foe blindly in the woods means leaving Integra behind, exposed. She can't possibly accompany me. It means abandoning her, but leaving this island means killing that vampire first._

Having decided he'd waited long enough, Alucard plucked the tea kettle from above the fire, although it had not begun to whistle, and he set it on the floor. He took one of the unused drapes and tore it into strips, then soaked them in the hot water and scrunched them into loose balls. Then he parted Integra's coverings and exposed her nakedness again.

Mindful of her breast, he lifted one arm and pressed one warm, wet ball of fabric into her armpit, then pressed her arm to her side. He did the same with the other arm.

"Forgive me," Alucard asked, though he suspected Integra could not hear him.

He took her ankles in hand and spread her legs. Carefully, he pressed another ball of hot, wet fabric between her thighs, putting pressure on her soft womanhood, making sure there was ample contact. He watched her virgin lips part slightly from his ministrations with a twinge of excitement. Then he pressed her knees tightly together and he exhaled in relief when her flesh was concealed again. He wrapped her back up tightly and tied her knees together with another strip of fabric. Then he put the kettle back over the fire. He would have to constantly change out the fabric as Integra's body sapped its warmth.

Alucard sat on the floor and did nothing but wait.

He looked down between his legs, embarrassed.

He looked at Integra, laying unconscious.

With hesitation, he reached between his thighs and adjusted his swollen sex. He then put his own red coat back on and smoothed the fabric over his front to conceal his guilty but insistent erection.

_So, nosferatu. What will it be? Will you leave your wife and children behind to fight the enemy, or will you huddle with them in the dark until the invaders come and burn your kingdom down, drag you away and rape you and all that you cherish?_

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

As the hours passed and Alucard unwrapped and re-wrapped his master, changing out her dressings, re-warming them with fresh hot water, replacing those dressings against Integra's tempting little treasures, his ache became more demanding until he found himself reluctant to continue.

His shaking hands clawed his thighs up and down, drawing his own blood in frustration.

Alucard paced around the cabin, looking out the windows. A good fight would distract him. He used the powers in his mind, sending telepathic threats and taunts in every direction, hoping to feel the enemy vampire's ire rising. But nothing.

In time, Alucard found he couldn't avoid Integra without neglecting her re-warming. He resume changing her dressings. Now, he found it nearly an impossible task. As her slender human body began to recover and heat up, her skin changed tones from deathly blue to a warm and inviting honey gold, though her hands and feet remained discolored. Alucard made new wrappings for her hands and feet, trying to warm them faster.

As fresh heat flowed through Integra's body, she stirred very slightly, though she never really woke up. She responded to his curious little touches, groaning and sighing in approval in a contented voice that drove him absolutely mad. God, that was the voice he'd wanted to hear when she shared her blood with him! Relaxed, content, _pleased_. His angry sex demanded relief.

He paced again. He stood in the corner and tried to clear his mind. His hands twitched, wanting to touch himself, though there wasn't privacy for that.

He turned around and looked at Integra miserably. Dare he? While she slept?

He then thought of going outside into the snow and sinking his traitorous body in the snow until the cold robbed him of excitement, but he doubted it would be effective. The cold didn't bother him enough.

The tea kettle whistled again. With a growl, he returned to his excruciating duty.

He soaked a new set of drape scraps and turned to look down at his master, sleeping before the fire, cocooned in the heavy drapes.

God, he couldn't do it again.

"It wasn't like this the first time, when the helicopter crashed," Alucard told her angrily, defensively, kneeling on the floor before her. "We weren't in the water as long. All I had to do was dry you off and…and here we were." He parted her coverings and closed his eyes briefly when her soft breasts were revealed. "Taking your clothes off was the most satisfying thing I've ever done."

He lifted her arm. He knuckle brushed the side of her breast. He paused. He touched her breast again with his knuckle. He licked his lips.

He tried to refocus. He pushed a new, warm cloth in between her side and her arm. "There. Isn't that better?" He moved over to the other side and repeated the same excruciating task. He tried to remain focused on the cloth, but he just stared at her pointed nipples in hunger, moving slowly, clumsily.

He crawled to her legs and, shaking, took each ankle in hand.

He paused, exhaling.

Just peeking at her soft mound, just barely adorned with golden hair, was agony. He closed his eyes, lifted her ankles and spread her legs and settled her feet back down on the floor, freshly warmed cloth scrap in hand. He opened his eyes, about to press it back against her when he froze.

Alucard just sat there, his master bared in all her naked, human imperfection, transfixed.

His hips jerked slightly. He felt himself leaking. All instinct screamed at him to act, mount, fuck, impregnate. She was _his_! There were teeth marks all over her, gentle bites, love bites, vampire bites. He had claimed her long ago and never taken his pleasure.

His hand drifted up his thigh. He paused just before he reached his own throb.

He sank his hand into the flesh of his bleeding thigh, digging in his claws, hissing.

_You'll never be a desirable, rutting human man. You're just a dog now, _he cruelly chastised himself._ She already told you she didn't want you. You are an impotent freak–her female intuition instinctively senses your inferiority and she has rejected you. BUT YOU CHOSE THIS. You chose blood over sex, fledglings over children, slaves over lovers. Look at you, leaking all over the floor, yearning to be human. Just spill on the floor if you can't hold it in. Or cut it off. She'll cut it off if FOR YOU if you're too much of a coward to do it. She'll certainly cut it off if you touch her._

Even so, his eyes were wide, pupils wide, red. He licked his lips. God. Oh God. Just a taste, then. Just a kiss, something very gentle. Something submissive.

_Don't you touch her,_ his mind warned him. _Don't you dare. That's not submission. _

Alucard rocked back and forth in misery. Just a kiss. Just a kiss on her sweet virginity…

_Don't cross that line. You'll ruin her. For what? You won't get any pleasure out of it and neither will she._

His breath hitching, Alucard placed his hands on the floor and leaned closer to her.

Just a kiss.

Just a little taste.

_No! You've proven yourself to be too irresponsible for that privilege. Lovemaking is for men. You are not a man. Castration in the fate of all domesticated animals. If you can't conduct yourself properly, go to the kitchen and perform your duty and cut it off. _

Alucard shut his eyes.

_You're a cock-sucking faggot. You could barely keep it up, even when you were a man. Illona was very nice about it, but she laughed at you behind your back. Do you think those children were even yours?_

Alucard breathed in relief as he felt his sex wilting.

He continued to coach himself mentally until he was calm again.

Outside, the wind whistled.

The shutters on the cabin trembled a bit. Alucard looked up at the windows, watching the snow whisk by.

When he felt serene, he resumed his task peacefully, clinically.

The cloth was cold now, so he poured fresh warm water on it and nestled it between Integra's legs without flinching. He closed her legs gently and wrapped her back up, picked her up in his arms and settled her down on the sofa, where her warmth could be further contained.

Kneeling next to the sofa, he settled his cheek on the cushion near her face and did nothing. He stared at her mouth.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Integra groaned. Her eyes fluttered open, though the world was blurry. She felt intense pain in her extremities. She licked her dry lips. She was so thirsty. How long had she been out? She felt very ill.

"Drink," Alucard urged from the blurry world, cradling her head in his hand, pressing something wet to her lips.

Integra grunted, disoriented. "No!" She spat out the liquid as it splashed on her lips. Her hands flew up and she knocked the ceramic coffee mug from Alucard's hands. It fell to the floor and the handle broke, the liquid spilling on the floor.

"It's just water," Alucard said weakly.

Integra tentatively licked her lips again. "Not blood?"

"I would not do that to you," Alucard said. "Lay still. I'll get more." He went away. Integra could hear a tea kettle opening up, water pouring out.

Integra let her head roll to the side, her head pounding. She was laying on the sofa again. Odd, how much time she had spent laying there this month. Her hands and feet burned. She tried to flex her fingers and toes, and in response she felt a buzzing pain worse than an electrocution. "Oh God!" she gasped. "Oh God, oh God, my hands…my feet…."

"You have frost bite," Alucard explained, returning with a new cup. "Drink. Please drink. You've been out for two days."

Integra allowed Alucard to tilt her head up. She feverishly gulped the water.

"I thought you would die from hypothermia, then I thought you would die from dehydration." Alucard sounded…far away. "Now your frost bite commands all my attention. Your skin is black on your hands and feet. The cold killed the tissue."

Integra swallowed the last of the water, grimacing. "The pain I feel…?"

Alucard nodded. "Nerve damage. I've been watching for signs of gangrene."

She shut her eyes. "Oh God. Both hands? Both feet?"

"Your toes and fingers," Alucard confirmed regretfully. "Black."

"Oh God…"

"Don't despair," Alucard encouraged her. "All that stands between you and a hospital is one undead freak. Just as soon as I turn him to dust….,"He paused to wipe Integra's mouth with his thumb. "…we're going to be rescued."

"I'll be left with useless stumps," Integra sighed. "So much for fencing and shooting. You'll have a quadriplegic cripple for a master."

"Only if it comes to amputation."

"Do you have any doubt it will?" Integra asked. "The first sign of gangrene–I mean _the very first sign_…"

"I won't let it spread," Alucard promised. He walked away somewhere. "I'll prepare something for you to eat."

Integra rested silently for a while. "Thank you," she said finally. "For taking care of me."

"I did a poor job," Alucard said. "I was preoccupied with something else…I didn't notice the frost bite until…"

"I am alive." She smirked. "I didn't think…I would really live. I slipped into that water thinking…"

"I will never let you die," Alucard vowed. He stood before the window, looking out in the black forest, out at the unseen enemy. "I will never let you die."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"I wish there was some brandy," Integra said regretfully the next day later. "Scotch."

"You don't handle scotch well," Alucard said, bringing her a wooden spoon from the kitchen. "If I recall." He took her hand, full of black fingers, into his. "I can put you out, if you prefer. In fact I'd rather."

"Please don't," Integra urged.

"Just one little bite." Alucard caressed her wrist. "I can put you right out. You won't feel anything."

"I'm afraid of the oxytocin," Integra confessed. "Please, at least let me keep my wits."

"As you wish, master." He pressed the wooden spoon between her lips. "Bite."

She did. She closed her eyes.

Alucard lifted Integra's gnarled hand to his mouth. He examined it closely. Once, he had kissed and adored this hand. This hand had provided him nourishment.

He singled out her black pinky, speckled with gangrene, and bit it off.

The scream that erupted from Integra's throat rattled the windows.

The dead flesh did not bleed. The vampire dislodged the severed finger from his jaws and set it aside in a bowl.

Alucard moved onto the next finger. He bit quickly, his teeth slicing through skin and bone.

Integra thrashed, screaming, Alucard pinning her down. Her legs kicked reflexively and Alucard absorbed her blows without flinching. He moved onto the next hand.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

_To be continued…_


End file.
